The Fushigi Yugi of Haruhi Suzumiya
by Dragonwiles
Summary: Haruhi's mad quest for espers, time travelers, and aliens drags her friends into the fantastic land of Konan. A crossover and gentle parody of both Fushigi Yugi and The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, with special guest stars from Naruto.
1. Book

Haruhi's mad quest for espers, time travelers, and aliens drags her friends into the fantastic land of Konan. A crossover and gentle parody of both Fushigi Yugi and The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, with special guest stars from Naruto.

The following disclaimer shall be construed so as to apply to all the fanfiction. The author does not own, and does not claim to own, anything copyrighted, trademarked, or otherwise owned by anyone else. The author does not claim to own The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya or Fushigi Yugi or Naruto, their characters or events or jokes or concepts or dialogue, despite any usage of the above. All intellectual properties, copyrights, trademarks, and other items are the property of their respective owners.

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**Spoiler Warning**

This story is set after the conclusion of The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya and is likely to spoil that story. It will also likely spoil some parts of Fushigi Yugi.

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**The Fushigi Yugi of Haruhi Suzumiya**

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Chapter 1: Book

Hello. My name is Kyo, and I'm in my second year of high school. It's a pleasure to meet you, even though you probably won't believe a word of what I've got to tell.

Please don't misunderstand- I don't blame you at all. If I were you, I wouldn't believe it either, and even as I'm telling it, I'm still not sure I believe it. Some people would say that's a sign of mental imbalance, but after some time, I've come to regard it as a hazard of hanging around with Haruhi Suzumiya.

Haruhi, how does one describe her? The problem isn't in thinking of some obvious trait to help you understand her- it's trying to choose which of her many obvious traits I can leave out for brevity, yet still have some hope that you'll understand her. She's athletic, insane, forceful, moody, easily bored, and president of the SOS Brigade - the "Spreading Excitement All Over the World with Haruhi Suzumiya Brigade." I never could convince her to shorten the name, so I just changed it for the student council club application forms.

I also had to change the purpose of the club for the forms. The real purpose of the Brigade is to search for aliens, time travelers, and espers. (What's an esper? Think of a person with mysterious mental powers.) At first, I thought this a ridiculous and immature project, but, well, somehow we ended up finding some.

This isn't to say Haruhi ended up finding them. That's probably for the best- I'm not sure quite what she'd do if she actually found any aliens, time travelers, or espers. What happened is that she recruited, or perhaps I should say press-ganged, the entire membership of the Brigade, including me. It turns out that every member except me is, in fact, an alien, a time traveler, or an esper. They claim that Haruhi unconsciously arranged this. Maybe that's giving Haruhi too much credit, but it is an eerie coincidence. Anyhow, they only revealed their extraordinary identities to me, not to Haruhi. Again, that's probably for the best- Haruhi puts us through quite enough as it is.

"Come on, Kyon! I want to get this book report done already!"

That was what Haruhi said when talking to me while dragging me to the National Library. I suppose she thinks that dragging me by the hand, or even necktie, will get us to the place where we're going faster, but really it just makes me want to dig in my heels, like I had been doing for the past few moments.

"If you wanted to get it done quickly, you could've asked Nagato for a book," I pointed out reasonably. Yuki Nagato, you see, is another member of the Brigade. She's always reading, and she's-

"But this is the National Library, Kyon!" Haruhi insisted, her pace not slackening for a moment. "This is the only place with enough books for me to research alien encounters!"

There wasn't any point in arguing further, so I just followed along obediently, noting idly that her brown ponytail was being stirred by the wind.

The National Library was suitably impressive, a huge building with a large stone facade, but Haruhi's relentless pace didn't allow us to appreciate the architecture.

A few moments later, we were standing before the front desk of the library. I had been inconspicuously turned loose, and I stood at Haruhi's side as she politely asked the librarian on duty where the books on alien encounters and abductions were. The librarian didn't bat an eye- I guess he had heard it all in his day - and told us they were on the second floor, and told us which section to look in. Haruhi and I thanked him formally.

Haruhi and I are now heading up the stairs and- wait, where has Haruhi gone? Oh, she's a few steps below me. Uh oh. I think I know that look. Her head is down, her mouth is in a straight line, and her eyes are strangely resigned.

"Haruhi?" I asked, pausing on the step and turning, "I thought we were in a hurry."

She sighed as she continued climbing slowly. "Whatever books we find, they won't really matter. Probably it'll just be more rehashing of the same fake-sounding evidence. They don't even bother to have the people who supposedly met the aliens write their own accounts! Why hasn't anyone who's met an alien ever written a book?"

I actually gave that question some serious thought, and suggested, "Maybe they don't know how to explain it to anyone else."

"Once the SOS Brigade finds an alien," Haruhi determined, "we'll make sure to write a book."

We had finally reached the second story, and I was about to go on, but Haruhi paused by a side hallway and read the sign on the hall's single door. It read, 'Important Documents Reference Room.'

"I wonder what's in there?" Haruhi asked aloud.

"Probably tax records," I replied disinterestedly, turning away to continue to the other shelves.

She sighed through gritted teeth and grabbed my tie and started dragging, insisting, "Come on."

The door opened easily onto a muffled and shadowed room filled with shelves tightly packed with books and scrolls. It smelled like old paper, but in a pleasant way. I guessed the collection must be well-maintained.

Of course, if that was the case, why were we the only ones in there? The titles on the shelves seemed to be old and probably valuable documents. Why was the door unlocked? Maybe someone would be back in a moment.

"This doesn't really look like the sort of place we're allowed to be in," I cautioned Haruhi, "and I don't think these books have anything to do with aliens, time travelers, or espers."

As usual, Haruhi was ignoring anything I said that contradicted what she felt like doing. She took a book off the shelf, apparently at random, and flipped it open to the middle.

"You read books from the middle?" I muttered to myself.

"Look at this, Kyon!" she exclaimed, holding the book out to me. I stepped closer and looked at it. The writing on the page looked Chinese to me, and I was having difficulty with it, but the illustration was probably what had caught Haruhi's interest. It was a skillful ink line drawing showing a young Chinese man accompanied by a young Chinese woman. They were surrounded by a horde of children who were clinging to them. Nearby was standing an old man.

What about this picture had caught her eye? That Haruhi might have a maternal instinct had never occurred to me.

"What am I supposed to be seeing?" I asked cautiously.

She shrugged and started flipping through the book, probably to find another illustration. "I just thought the illustrations were pretty," she replied.

Surprising as it may seem, sometimes she does say sensible things.

I stepped back, set down my satchel by my feet, and started browsing the shelves a few meters away, trying to figure out what sort of collection this was and what purpose it served.

What the-? I just heard something like a giant bird, and now there's a red light streaming out of the book Haruhi's holding!

"Kyon!" Haruhi exclaimed, her eyes alighting, "maybe we've activated some sort of alien signaling device in the book and they're going to transport us now! Remember, as President of the SOS Brigade, I speak to them first!"

The light had become very strong, so I closed my eyes and agreed, "I'm not about to forget." While I said that, my stomach lurched, like it does in an airplane dropping through turbulence. After I said that, I choked on a mouthful of windblown sand.

Windblown sand? How did that get here? And why could I feel the sun right outside my eyelids, and beating down oppressively on all my body?

I opened my eyes slightly and squinted around me, still used to the dark reference room. That didn't seem to be where I was, however. After a few moments of squinting, it appeared I was in the midst of a bleak desert, broken up by a few blackened trees.

This situation wasn't actually as startling for me as it might have been, because this sort of thing has happened to me before. You see, whenever Haruhi gets depressed, she unconsciously creates something called an "enclosed space"- another dimension bubbling up inside ours. I'm not sure of all the details myself, but different rules apply there, and it can be very difficult to get out, at least if you're an ordinary guy like me. Unfortunately, there are some things that get more comfortable the more you do them, and some things that get more nerve-wracking, and dimensional travel is definitely the latter.

I was a bit confused, though- Haruhi hadn't seemed that sad to me. In fact, she had been interested, for the moment, in looking at the book. Why had an enclosed space formed now?

"Kyon!" Haruhi exclaimed, "your clothes have changed!" She was standing a few feet away with her hand shading her eyes, staring at me and our surroundings not in terror, but more like she probably did as a little girl when receiving a highly anticipated gift.

Now that she mentioned it, my clothes did feel funny and different. I was now wearing a navy blue shirt and long blue pants, both Chinese-style. A quick check confirmed that my school uniform was not being worn underneath these clothes- it had simply vanished. I wondered where my school uniform had gone. Had my old clothes transformed into these clothes, or had my uniform simply been vaporized? What was I going to be clad in if and when I ever got out of this enclosed space?

My eyes were getting more used to the light now. Haruhi's getup hadn't changed a bit- she was still wearing the light-blue skirt and white blouse that're part of the school uniform, and her brown hair was still in a ponytail with the same hairtie. Her red Brigade Chief armband was still tied around her left sleeve. She was still holding her school satchel.

A harsh laugh to my right distracted me. "What have we here?" the person who had laughed asked. "These two will fetch a very good price!"

There were only four guys to our right, although a whole army could've walked up without my noticing, thanks to the sudden change in light and surroundings I'd experienced. They were all well-dressed in Chinese style, but they looked rough. Apparently they were slavers, considering what they'd just said.

Wait a minute- what are other people doing here? Haruhi's enclosed spaces are deserted of all human and animal life. It's unusual enough for Haruhi herself to be present in one. Usually only espers, or people assisted by espers, can enter one. Were these slavers espers? Maybe only one of them was. Even one esper could be dangerous, though.

Great. As though the odds weren't already bad enough against us.

"My name is Haruhi Suzumiya, president of the SOS Brigade!" Haruhi said enthusiastically, with an exaggerated gesture pointing to herself. "We're the ones who activated your signaling device! Please excuse our intrusion onto your starship!" She bowed a moment, then snapped back upright, her eyes twinkling as she inquired, "What name does your species go by? What sort of disguise technology are you using right now to appear human?"

The four looked at each other for a moment, then the biggest one shrugged and told the others, "If we gag her, no one will know she's crazy. We'll take them."

Well, I guess that's about it. Haruhi has a nasty flying kick, and I suppose I'm not entirely bereft of athletic ability, but two against four generally doesn't work out too well.

There's only one guy coming after me, and slowly enough that I feel somewhat insulted. I suppose I ought to put up some sort of token resistance, just to salvage some dignity.

I only meant to punch the guy in the stomach, and for some reason it actually worked, but somehow, while I was punching him, I suddenly knew that next I could bring my other arm up stiffly into his throat and incapacitate him for a while. That actually worked too, and before I quite realized what was happening, the guy was on the ground, gasping for breath.

But I had bigger things to worry about now. The other three were almost on top of Haruhi. I was running towards them, and found that I was going a lot faster than I'm used to. Haruhi looked as surprised as I was.

I kicked out one of the ankles of one of the guys, making him trip into the other, and they both fell down. If I didn't know any better, I'd say I had planned that. I guess I had wanted something like that to happen, but when did I learn to kick well enough to accomplish it?

In any case, I raised my other leg and did a snap kick at the last opponent, the big guy. I hit the side of his abdomen as he ran past, and he sprawled in the dirt. It's really hard to hit a moving target, so I'm not quite sure how that happened. Beginner's luck?

I swiveled as I heard the two guys on my right getting up again, but they took one look at me and ran away. This reminded me of the guy who'd been after me, and I saw him several meters away, crawling as fast as he could. The big guy rolled as far from us as he could, then struggled to his feet and hobbled off.

I didn't think I was that imposing. What was going on?

"Kyon!" Haruhi exclaimed, flinging her arm wide to encompass an area large enough for her emotions, "that was amazing!"

Then she put her arms akimbo, leaned forward and glared at me as she asked, "Just when were you planning on telling me that you're an alien?"

I blinked at her. The one thing everyone in the Brigade agreed upon was that I was ordinary, with no special powers or weird heritage; just a plain, normal, human. "Haruhi, I'm not an alien."

"Mm-hm," Haruhi harrumphed, then straightened and pointed accusingly at my face, "Then how do you explain that?"

I waited a beat, but nothing more reasonable was proceeding from Haruhi, so I said slowly, "Haruhi, it's just my face. I've had it for a long time."

"You haven't had that on your forehead before!" She folded her arms and smirked triumphantly. "Your secret has been revealed at last," she informed me smugly. "So tell me your homeworld, Kyon, if that's your real name."

"What's on my forehead, what does it look like?" I asked. I tried probing at my forehead gingerly with my fingertips, but I couldn't feel anything.

She got a compact out of her satchel. I hadn't realized she wore makeup. She stepped nearer and angled the compact towards me, ordering me, "Take your hands out of the way."

Blazing in red on my forehead was the Chinese character for "ogre". I took an involuntary step back, then poked at my forehead again, but still felt nothing. The character slowly faded away until my forehead returned to normal.

"So, where's your mother ship?" Haruhi asked. "Or were you born on Earth, part of a colony of aliens sent to study humans? Or maybe you're an esper?"

"Haruhi, I'm just a normal human. I think that book did this to me when it sent us here," I guessed.

"What kind of an explanation is that?" she pouted.

"Whatever the case, I'm just a normal human. Or, at least, that's what I used to be," I amended. After all, I wasn't really able to convince myself that I was normal after finding a blazing red Chinese character on my forehead, and proficiently using martial arts moves which I'd never studied.

Thirst and hunger were now starting to loom large in my mind. Being in a desert and fighting off slavers will do that to you. There was a dirt road nearby, I could see now, and I decided to try to follow it to a town, or at least an inn.

You see, I'm no longer convinced that we are in an enclosed space, or if it is, that it's like the others. I think those slavers lived here. Ordinarily, espers are the only ones who can enter enclosed spaces, so I had thought one or more of the slavers were espers. But since ordinary people don't exist in enclosed spaces and can't enter them, there'd be no one in an enclosed space for an esper to enslave, so there'd be no point to taking slaving up as a career, like the four men we met had.

Apparently we're in some other dimension altogether, where apparently we'll meet lots of normal people. I wonder if we'll meet any people like me- or like what I've become?


	2. Emperor

Chapter 2: Emperor

After an hour or two, and after we hitchhiked with a local farmer's wagon, we reached quite a city. It looked to be a major city, if not a capital. Indeed, one large area of it appeared to be a palace. We looked at it while reclining on the piled up hay in the farmer's wagon.

Haruhi was growing restless. "I really thought those men before might've been aliens, but they were just normal people," she grumbled, with a stalk of hay hanging out of her mouth. "We got transported to this world, with a red light and everything-"

"Haruhi," I cautioned her. The farmer had already been perturbed by her weird clothes, and I didn't know what he'd think if he overheard this.

Of course, Haruhi continued talking as though I hadn't said a word, "-and then that's it! No aliens, no espers, not even any time travel! We just get abandoned here!"

Oh well. After all, our mannerisms and Haruhi's clothes were a dead giveaway in any case.

"We could always go back to the world we came from," I said, scrutinizing her reaction. If this were an enclosed space, she might be able to unconsciously collapse it and return us home, if she were inclined towards the idea.

Haruhi turned her head and looked stubbornly at me. "No, Kyon, we're going to tough it out for the sake of the SOS Brigade and our mission! Honestly, you should try to show more spirit! If you're going to do something, do it!"

"We're almost at the capital now," the farmer called from the front of the wagon as he stopped his mare.

Haruhi leapt to the ground and ran to the front of the wagon and asked as she bowed, "Thank you very much for the ride, sir. Would you please tell us what country this is?"

"Well, this is the capital of the Konan Empire," the farmer said, scratching his head. "Excuse my curiosity, but where are you from?"

By this time, I had finally gotten off the pile of hay and was now standing at her side.

"We're from Japan," Haruhi replied. "It was very nice meeting you." She bowed again.

The driver bowed in his seat and said, "And you. Have a safe journey." I noticed that as we were leaving, he shook his head.

We finally got inside the city. There was a large open-air market, with plenty of food vendors, but the prices were really expensive.

Were they? How did I know? And why were none of the shoppers complaining or haggling down the prices very much?

"It's time we found some food and a place to rest," Haruhi mentioned.

"Yeah, but the trouble is, neither of us have 'Konan' money," I pointed out. "I don't think they'll accept our cash."

Haruhi looked around a moment, making her ponytail flail violently, then had an idea. "There are plenty of street performers. We could come up with an act and ask for food as payment!"

"People are staring at us enough as it is," I pointed out.

"We could make that symbol on your forehead glow and charge people to see it!" Haruhi suggested excitedly.

Just then, there was a commotion, and the crowds began to clear the center of the street. We followed suit, ending up near the front of the crowd. A guarded palanquin, with rich, thick curtains, was coming down the street.

"That must be the emperor of this place," Haruhi said to me. "Maybe the royal family is actually a family of espers here! They used their psychic powers to summon us for some reason!"

"There's no need to shout," I told her quietly as several people turned to us.

The palanquin stopped in response to a quiet command to the courtiers bearing it, and then I heard a familiar voice calling, "Friends, is that you?" At the same time, the curtains were parted by a hand, and I saw something very odd.

Inside the palanquin was a richly dressed and handsome young man, with a longsword hanging from his belt. He had long, light brown hair that flowed to the back of his shoulder blades.

All of that, really, was something like what I was expecting to see, when I think of a prince or emperor. What I didn't expect was that this lord would have the face and voice of Itsuki Koizumi, a fellow member of the SOS Brigade. He also had a side job as a member in an organization of espers. And now he was in a palanquin, for no apparent reason.

"I thought I recognized your voices," the lord who looked like Koizumi said to us, with one of his inscrutable smiles. "It's quite a relief to see some familiar faces."

"Koizumi, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be at the Brigade headquarters!" Haruhi asked. She meant the club room that she took over.

He spread his hands, indicating that he didn't know either. "I'll do my best to explain later, although I know little myself. For the moment, however," he raised his hand, then swept it around in a circle, "we're interfering with traffic and everyone's business. Why don't we discuss this at my palace?"

"It's your palace?" I asked. Stupid question, I guess, but maybe he was under some other lord or something.

Haruhi was already forging confidently through the crowd, replying, "Excellent work! You've found an even better headquarters than that drafty old room!"

I wasn't so sure we should so readily accept his hospitality - things were just getting too weird too fast. But I didn't have any better ideas, and I figured I might get some answers Haruhi's way, so I joined them.

As casually as I could, I noted, "This is certainly unexpected. Kind of like that softball game we played in."

"Ah, yes," Koizumi reminisced, "that was certainly an unexpected end, but almost inevitable in a sense."

"How can it be both?" I looked at him strangely.

"Unexpected given the score against us just before Nagato gave us our edge," Koizumi explained, "inevitable given the fact that we were playing with our fearless leader at our head," he gestured magnanimously to Haruhi.

Haruhi's memories had gotten onto a slightly different track, because she asked, "That reminds me, Kyo, what did you do with the bat from that game?"

"Don't you remember?" I asked in return. "I sold it to the other team."

Koizumi nodded sagely. "Very well done," he said to me.

I squinted at him. "They were offering a very high price, and it only seemed fair after the way we beat them."

"Nevertheless, you did well there." He noted Haruhi was distracted for a moment by the whispers of the crowds we were passing, and he leaned forward towards me and winked, "I mean your clever way of ascertaining our identities."

"Thank you," I acknowledged. I think a little satisfaction was called for there- it had worked out even better than I intended, since we'd all proven our identities. I'm not paranoid - I just wanted to be sure that we hadn't run into somebody who looked exactly like Koizumi, but wasn't.

When we finally got to the palace, I had to acknowledge that Haruhi did have a point. That place was a lot better than our club room, although that's not really saying too much.

I should give the palace of Konan its due, because it was a marvel. The palace was large, aesthetically pleasing, and had an abundance of food and courtiers. Either we arrived in time for dinner, or Koizumi felt like eating just then - either way, one of our problems was solved.

We ate in silence for a while, then Koizumi broke it by saying, "I suppose I promised to explain how I got here."

Haruhi nodded. "You sure did. Well, I suppose it's about time for the SOS Brigade member reports. Koizumi, what's your report on these strange phenomena we've been experiencing?"

Koizumi reminded her, "I'm afraid I'm not too sure of all the details myself. It's rather like a mosquito being accidentally sucked into a subway train and finding itself having been moved to an entirely different neighborhood."

He went on, "In any case, I was waiting alone in the club room for everyone. Suddenly, I heard a loud screeching noise, like a giant peacock. A red light surrounded me," he swept his fingers around himself, "and I found myself in the palace. Nobody seemed surprised to see me here, in fact they seemed to have been expecting me. They told me that I was supposed to come at this time. They gave me these robes," he fingered the rich silk of his garment, "and said I was to be their emperor. That all happened this afternoon. Since then I've been trying to meet all my advisors and learn something of the history and situation of this Konan empire."

I peered at him. "Why? You're not actually the emperor, you know."

He held out his hands, palms open. "If I'm not, then who is? I can't find anything about any other royal family. Nobody else has made a claim to the throne."

"Have you learned anything about what sort of unearthly power might've called us here?" Haruhi inquired. "Any suspicious local legends pointing to alien interference or a secret cabal of espers? Or time traveling researchers?"

He smiled and shook his head, "Nothing quite like that, but I have gotten a clue as to why we're here. Apparently there's some sort of being called Suzaku ruling this land of Konan, above the emperor, as it were, though he doesn't often intervene directly. Instead, he tends to appoint seven," he flashed that number on his fingers briefly, "warriors named after constellations in his region of the sky. And when they are ready, he calls in a priestess from another world. And here you are," he swept his arm across the table at us. "Do you mind if I ask now how you got here? Specifically, at what time?" He gazed intently at us.

"After school sometime, whenever we got to the library," I said uncertainly. I hadn't checked my watch or anything.

"Probably exactly when I was taken. Please, go on," he nodded.

"We found an old Chinese book in the library," Haruhi took up the tale enthusiastically, "and when I opened it up, there was a red light and a bird call! That must've been when Suzaku took us! We got dropped in the middle of a desert near some really weak slavers. Kyo beat them all up, but he accidentally revealed that he's an alien! Can you believe it, Koizumi? The SOS Brigade's first alien is one of its own members!"

"An alien?" He asked that as he looked at me good-humoredly.

I rolled my eyes and announced, "I'm not an-"

"Don't listen to his pathetic denials," she said, closing her eyes, turning her head slightly from me, and holding her hand up resolutely against me, "there was a bright red Chinese character on his forehead."

"Really? Fascinating. I thought I saw something different about you," Koizumi leaned towards me.

I folded my arms and noted, "It's hard to number the different things I see about you. When did you grow all that hair?"

He caressed it lovingly. "I know, isn't it odd? It just lengthened the moment I came here. Still, I do think it rather improves my appearance. In fact, I'd say that now I look beautiful." He smiled.

"Stop being gross," I disagreed.

"But as it happens," Koizumi went on, "I acquired a character too." He shifted his robe so we could see a faint Chinese character on his neck. "I'm told these are how the Suzaku Seven are identified. I'm Hotohori, and if I recall the scroll correctly, your character means you are Tamahome."

"How cute. So now I have a nickname?" I asked, not entirely pleased or displeased.

"Something like that, I don't really know for certain," Koizumi shrugged.

"So you're both espers now! Well done, brigade members!" Haruhi clapped. "Now, as priestess, what esper powers do I get?"

Koizumi cocked his head at her. "I don't know about powers, but I have heard that you get a wish, if you assemble all the Suzaku Seven."

Haruhi was grinning from ear to ear. "A chance to meet more espers? I'd never pass that up! It's the very reason I made the Brigade, to meet espers and aliens and time travelers! I'll be counting on your assistance, Kyo, Koizumi."

"Of course. I'd be interested to meet the other five warriors myself," Koizumi agreed.

"Hold on," I protested.

Usually Haruhi would give me a few seconds to speak before dismissing my cautions, but this time she didn't even seem to hear me, as she insisted on seeing Koizumi's documents for himself. Koizumi addressed this request to the nearby courtiers, and they agreed to bring "The Book of the Universe of the Four Gods." Haruhi didn't want to lose any time, so instead went with them to see it for herself.

After she was gone, I took a few more bites, trying to chew out my frustrations on some of the best Chinese food I've ever tasted. Then I asked Koizumi, "So, you can actually get out of this enclosed space, right?"

He looked knowingly at me, then dismissed all his attendants. I apologized awkwardly, "Sorry, I forgot."

"It'll be all right. They seem loyal enough, and we're strange to them already," he reassured me. "But as to your question. Unfortunately, despite my true esper powers in our normal world, I can't leave this place. I assume you can't, with your new powers?"

I set down my utensils for a moment, but then shook my head. "That didn't really occur to me before. But I can't seem to leave either, no. I've been thinking this isn't a normal enclosed space."

"I concur," he said seriously. He waved his hand toward his head, "It's hard to describe to someone without an esper's abilities, but we espers can perceive enclosed spaces. When I perceive this place, and when I try to leave it, I see it is like an enclosed space, but not. It smells subtly different. The difference is enough to render most of my powers in an enclosed space useless. It's like being able to dive," he waved his hand down and swirled it around, "and surface," he waved his hand upwards, "in the water, but then going on land," he moved his hand away from himself, "where you don't have as much freedom of movement."

"So we can't depend on the other espers in your organization being able to enter either," I sighed.

"It is a worrisome prospect," he folded his hands and rested his chin on them. "Haruhi is able to exert some degree of control on this space, whatever this world's true nature is. I presume that's how we ended up here, as members of the Suzaku Seven. If she should generate further enclosed spaces here, I'll have to try to disperse them alone. So it's up to us," he looked at me meaningfully, "to make sure that Haruhi never feels the need to make another enclosed space: that she is never bored, or lonely, or cross."

I frowned. "I disagree. That makes it all the more important to get back home."

He flashed an open palm at me as he tried to persuade me, "Is it? Consider- we may be wrong, and Haruhi may have made this world after all, to fulfill her desires. We've anticipated this possibility for some time. If that's true, it's our responsibility to make sure she's happy here, and doesn't try to disturb the order of the universe further. Besides, whatever the case may be, I suspect this is like last time, and convincing Haruhi to return to the previous world depends more on you than on me."

I folded my arms. It wasn't as though that hadn't occurred to me more than a few times that day. But it was a near thing the last time I tried to convince Haruhi to give up one of her enclosed spaces and the world of wonders she'd made in it.

"I'm not sure she'd listen to me if I try to do it again like I did last time," I pointed out. "She might think I'd be manipulating her. I suppose justifiably."

"But," I went on, "I'm not as prepared as you to accept this place. Haruhi is bound to get bored after a while. When she does, I'll ask her to bring us back to our original world."

Koizumi reminded me, "That's assuming that she can." He leaned close again, and I kept my arms tightly folded as he said quietly, "You see how happy she is right now. I think she could be happy here forever, given certain circumstances. Don't you, of all people, want her to be satisfied for once in her life?"

"Don't look at me like that," I snapped, harsher than I meant. "Sorry," I said guiltily as he retreated suavely. "I just don't think she can be happy if we have to give up everything in our original world. She might be happy, but it wouldn't be worth it. Deep down, she couldn't live with herself. I couldn't live with myself."

"It's not easy for me either," he remonstrated, and I felt another pang of guilt, "but it's better than not existing at all, which could happen if she ever gets too out of sorts and creates an enclosed space that remakes the world. Still, I suppose we needn't worry. If you feel that way about our original world, I'm sure she'll feel that way too, in time."

"That's assuming," I reminded him, "that Haruhi is the key to getting us out of here."

"True enough," he nodded. "It might be this Suzaku who is the key. Which is why I think both of us have a reason to help her find the other Suzaku Seven."


	3. Crushed

Chapter 3: Crushed

The next day we'd all obediently agreed to help Haruhi. First we tried to figure out from "The Book of the Universe of the Four Gods" where we could find the other five members of the Suzaku Seven. Haruhi had already read the whole thing through three times last night. By the time we'd read it through twice, Haruhi's foot-tapping was so rapid that it was nearly a blur.

She groaned, "Why doesn't it tell us where the other five Suzaku warriors are? It's like some kind of role-playing game!"

"A good role-playing game would have better hints of what to do next," I noted aloud. "But really, maybe there's nothing to do but go and look."

Koizumi pointed out, "This being Konan's capital, a great deal of our standing army is based here, including my personal guard. It'd make sense to see if any of them are warriors of Suzaku."

"I wonder if members of the Suzaku Seven know that they're part of the Suzaku Seven," I mused aloud while servants scurried to assemble the troops in the courtyard. "I mean, it wasn't immediately obvious even to me."

We started to walk outside, and Haruhi theorized, "Maybe a warrior's mark and powers only appear when the warrior is in danger, or exerting himself somehow! It appears because the warrior needs to call on all of his strength!"

Surely you're not that surprised that it makes sense. It's not like she always says odd things.

We had now arrived out at the courtyard, and saw rank after rank of soldier standing at attention, in shining armor and with glistening spear points flashing in the morning sun. Some also carried huge wooden mallets, tucked into their belts. The ranks simultaneously saluted with their weapons, and Koizumi returned it with his sword. I wondered how he had managed to get so comfortable holding a deadly weapon so fast.

"So clearly what we'll have to do is provoke them into attacking us!" Haruhi determined.

"That sounds like an excellent idea," Koizumi smiled and nodded.

"Wait a minute," I stared in amazement at her, "apart from the fact that they never did anything to us, the whole idea is dangerous for everyone involved. Couldn't we make them do drills or run long distances? Better yet, why not start by asking if anyone knows whether he himself is a Suzaku warrior?"

Koizumi addressed his army and said, "Everyone, please listen to this young lady."

The whole army stared attentively at her, and of course, Haruhi didn't listen to my advice at all.

"I thought I'd see more power than this in this big crowd! You don't look like very strong warriors at all! And they call you the pride of Konan!" She taunted.

They say if you put your mind to it, you can do anything, but I think they ought to add a warning to the end of that saying, like, "But it's not always a good idea to do whatever's in your mind."

Haruhi's address had stunned the crowd, but that was beginning to wear off, and they were starting to get angry- and she was still continuing her barrage.

"I'll bet," Haruhi pointed at them, "that none of you have the power to defeat even feeble old people, or small puppies! Probably you haven't bathed in days either. And I'm sure that you're all ordinary, boring, normal people, and not worth much notice at all!"

I normally think of my normality as an asset, but that last jibe, though not directed at me, began to get under my skin, too. Unsurprisingly, with no restraint from their emperor and faced with a taunting girl, the soldiers at whom most of the insults had been directed were fuming, and some looked ready to rush her right away.

"I can't imagine anything more pathetic!" Haruhi shouted. She stuck out her tongue at the ranks of heavily armed men.

It was at that moment that everything snapped. First one man started to rush her, then all the soldiers began to run forward, like giant breakers rushing towards the shore.

"So what was your plan after you got them frothing like this?" I asked irritably.

She looked at me as though I were the crazy one. "I'm the priestess of Suzaku, I'm not going to die! Koizumi, order them to stop."

Koizumi obligingly shouted in a calm voice, "I order you all to stop!" To no one's surprise except Haruhi, none of the soldiers stopped. They were very close now.

"Well, we've got two of the Suzaku Seven here," Haruhi insisted. "Surely you two can protect me."

"Oh, you want me to protect you from this?" I said heatedly. I'll admit it, I was starting to lose my temper. And yes, I was scared. You'd be scared too if you saw a bunch of big, armored, angry men with spears running at you. I wasn't expecting any amount of fancy martial arts could take out this huge crowd.

I grumbled, "All right, I'll protect you," and I grabbed her wrist and hauled her out of there just as fast as I could run. Thankfully she started running too.

I wasn't quite sure where I was heading. Away was a good start! There was a stone veranda up ahead, and I was going to try to cut through it. The warriors, however, were nearly upon us, and they started throwing spears and huge hammers. I guess they were too angry and running too fast to properly aim, so instead of us, they hit the columns of the veranda as we ran through.

That would've been a good thing, except about two seconds later, the columns were hit by so many missiles that they collapsed and the whole thing came down.

I yanked Haruhi's wrist one more time to pull her near, then shoved her down.

An explosion of pain later, I came to the inescapable conclusion that I had the veranda on my shoulders. I was on my hands and knees, completely surrounded by collapsed masonry, quite a bit of it digging inexorably into my back. My legs were covered in rubble, and I was afraid they were broken, they hurt so bad. Haruhi was beneath me, lying on the ground, looking alarmed for once in her life. We were both choking on the dust in the air. I could see some of the swirling motes illumined by a fierce red glow from my forehead, which shone down on Haruhi. It must've been blazing really brightly.

Haruhi tried to say something, but she coughed and coughed on the dust instead. I sneezed on it, its dead taste clogging my nose and settling disgustingly on my palate.

Sounds were muffled in this small cavity. I thought I could hear voices and movement outside, but I wasn't sure. I sneezed again, then coughed. I coughed again, and my elbows involuntarily bent, and I found myself pressed further down by the rubble. Haruhi hadn't stopped coughing. She looked at me, so afraid-

Then I heard a whoosh and a crash, then another. Then there was a third, and the burden on me lightened. Then there was another whoosh and the sound of rocks clearing away. You have no idea how good that sounds when they were previously deforming your back.

More than anything else, I wanted to stand up and stagger off, or at least roll out of the way, but I was feeling too tired to do that. Not only that, my legs still hurt. I guessed that meant they were broken.

"Kyon! Haruhi! Are you all right!" I heard two voices cry. Hm. They both sound familiar.

I looked around. The soldiers, shamefaced, were helping move rubble at the fringes. I turned my head some but couldn't quite see who had spoken. Then the rubble to my side went flying out of the way.

Then, of all people, Miss Asahina ran into the place vacated by the rubble! And she was dressed in some sort of colorful, fancy robes. I could see a small, glowing patch of red on her robes, near her left shoulder, as though there were light shining out of her. Further surprises were in store- her divine hands unceremoniously seized a huge piece of masonry that must've weighed hundreds of kilograms, then flung it with a whoosh and a crash at least fifty meters away, over the heads of the soldiers at the periphery of the collapse!

"Asahina?" hacked Haruhi from beneath me. She coughed a bit more, then stopped. Her breathing was finally returning to normal.

"Thank goodness you're both all right!" Miss Asahina replied breathlessly.

Koizumi stepped close with some of his courtiers. He and the gentlemen in waiting picked me up and moved me onto a stretcher. Even that hurt, but I wasn't in much of a position to protest. Haruhi got slowly to her feet.

For the next few hours, I basically fell asleep, or unconscious, or something, so it seems like a good time to explain just who Miss Asahina is. Mikuru Asahina is another member of the SOS Brigade, and she's a time traveler from the future. She's actually older than Haruhi and I, but she's a very shy and kindly person, and so Haruhi finds it easy to boss her around. She has a slight lisp and occasionally stutters, especially when Haruhi gets pushy. Miss Asahina is here investigating Haruhi and the mysterious disturbances that Haruhi creates in space and time. Fortunately, Haruhi doesn't realize that she can create entirely new realities, or even that Miss Asahina is investigating her.

Miss Asahina had never shown any evidence of superhuman strength before. I had to wait to learn about that.

* * *

When I woke up, I found both my shins in splints. That didn't really surprise me. What was surprising was that my spine and skull were intact after holding up tons of stone. For some reason, being a Suzaku warrior means your limbs can be broken, but not your head, or spine. Or maybe I shouldn't count on that.

I also found Haruhi at the foot of the bed. At one point she had been sitting on a chair, but then had fallen asleep, her head and arms unceremoniously sprawled on the bed. I was very surprised to see her there.

There were two guards in the room. One noticed that I was awake and said that he'd awaken Emperor Koizumi. He left the room quietly.

A few moments later, Koizumi and Miss Asahina rushed in, looking delighted. Haruhi woke up with a start. She tried to reassume her usual aloof demeanor, hurriedly straightening and folding her arms and saying, "It's about time you got up, Kyon. How long do you intend to stay in bed, anyway?"

"About as long as it takes for my shins to mend," I replied calmly.

"It looks," Miss Asahina said worriedly, "oh, so painful."

I told her, "It was a lot worse at first. From now on, it'll just keep getting better and better."

"It'd better," Haruhi harrumphed.

"That's good to hear," Koizumi told me. I looked closer at him- his voice was drawn and he looked a bit pale. I think he noticed my scrutiny, because he said quickly, "Our best doctors will be looking in on you, and they say the only injuries are to your legs. A few weeks of strict rest should cure you. Until then, if you need anything, please ask a servant. I wish I could stay longer, but I've got some urgent business around the palace." He started for the door.

Miss Asahina looked back in surprise. Before he reached the door, though, Haruhi marched out of the room, then poked her head back in to remind me, "You don't have permission to get worse." Then she was gone.

"I hope you do recover swiftly," Koizumi bowed to me, and completed his exit.

Miss Asahina looked at him and cried in consternation, "Wait!" She turned back and bowed as well, saying, "And I wish you well too," then ran out into the hall.

He must've waited for her a little ways down the hall. For some reason I can hear them talking. "You really need to get some rest, Koizumi," I heard Miss Asahina tell Koizumi worriedly.

"I most certainly will, just as soon as I see to some final things around the palace," Koizumi said bravely.

For a moment it was silent, then Miss Asahina said nervously, "You didn't tell him."

"It's not really information that's particularly useful to him, or anyone. The danger's past," Koizumi shrugged it off.

"But Kyon should know!" she insisted.

Koizumi and Miss Asahina must not realize how thin the walls here are. I feel embarrassed, listening to this, but there's not much else I can occupy my mind with.

"You can tell him, if you want. But I found all three enclosed spaces Haruhi made last night and dispersed them. There's nothing further to do now except cheer Haruhi up. Kyon will just have to get better soon." Koizumi told her calmly, but the sleepiness in his voice was starting to overpower him.

"I'm sorry," Miss Asahina said quickly. "You go rest. I'll try to reassure Haruhi."

I sighed to myself. Koizumi had to clear three enclosed spaces by himself? No wonder he was tired.

Haruhi had been depressed enough to unconsciously make three enclosed spaces...

* * *

Oh? Hm? Excuse me, I must've dozed off again. The light from the window has changed, as well as my guards. It must've been a few hours.

I asked one of my guards, "Please ask Haruhi to come here."

"The Priestess of Suzaku?" he asked nervously.

Ah, yes. "Yes, her," I nodded, and he went off quickly.

Haruhi came in and promptly sat down on the chair. She looked at me piercingly for a moment, then turned her head away, towards the wall, and exclaimed, "I suppose you wanted me to come so you could hear me say that I'm sorry." Oh dear. She's still trying to keep her voice tough, but she couldn't stop that little quaver from coming through.

I admitted, "I honestly did. I also wanted you to hear that I forgive you."

Haruhi's not sneezing as an excuse to get out her handkerchief and wipe away her tears, is she? I thought people gave up on that after leaving elementary school. And keeping her face turned away from me like that is not helping her be inconspicuous-

Maybe for once I should just keep even my mental mouth shut.

"I'm happy that you've decided not to die on us, Kyon," Haruhi said, finally turning to face me.

There were lots of things that came to mind to say that point, but I restrained myself, looked her in the eye, and told her, "I'm not going to die, Haruhi. Just a few weeks in bed for my bones to mend and I'll be fine."

At that point, the door to my room entered, and about a subway-car-full of people swept in, carrying various trays, stands, seats, plates, chopsticks, and foods, setting them down and arranging them. A moment later, they all departed, and Koizumi and Miss Asahina entered.

Koizumi waved grandly at all the food and explained, "I asked the kitchen staff to prepare dinner for us in here, so we could be more sociable."

I managed to sit up and partake of the meal from my bed, and we all began to eat. Haruhi's appetite was very good, an encouraging sign.

At some point someone, I don't remember who, asked Miss Asahina to recount how she got here.

She said uncertainly, "First, I was finishing up some classroom chores before I went to the clubroom. Then, just when I had finished, a red light from the floor swallowed me up! I saw a giant red bird pass me as I fell into this place. I ended up, as I found out, in the harem compound of the palace. I was really frightened and didn't know what to do, so the other ladies in the harem recommended that I stay with them for the evening. So the next morning, I heard all the shouting and I came to see what was happening! Somehow I managed to throw those big heavy stones that were on Kyon- I've never been able to do that before!"

Koizumi spoke now that her story had ended, "I'm sorry I didn't realize you had arrived. In all the excitement, I never got over to the harem like I'd meant to."

I frowned at him. "You mean you were planning to visit the harem at some point?"

"Who cares?" Haruhi said abruptly, her mouth hard for some reason. "What we need to know now is whether you, Asahina, have become part of the Suzaku Seven!"

"The wh-what?" Miss Asahina asked nervously.

"I think we can safely assume that you are, seeing as you've suddenly gained the ability to lift heavy objects," Koizumi demonstrated by raising his hand.

"Oh, I guess so," Miss Asahina assented. "If you all say so."

Haruhi pumped her fist. "Another success for the SOS Brigade!" she cheered. "Now let's get that scroll here so we can unravel the next clue!"

"We didn't find any clues at all in that thing," I reminded her, but she replied, "Maybe we'll think of something new this time." Then she was gone.

We ate a little while, then Miss Asahina spoke up. "Kyon, I'm very glad you're feeling better. My, the Konan Incident! I'd heard some details, but we never did know very much about that; the details were lost over time."

I looked at her with interest, "So you know something about what's happening?"

"It's classified," she said flatly, her expression not changing.

"Did Haruhi make this world?" I inquired.

"It's classified," she reiterated, selecting another morsel of food.

One more try, I figured: "Do we ever get out of here?"

"I don't know," she responded.

For a moment, I assumed she'd said it was classified again, but then I realized what she had really said. She didn't actually know? Maybe we were in a worse situation than I'd thought.

Haruhi burst into the room. "Look what I found!" she waved her arms excitedly. In one arm was the "Book of the Universe of the Four Gods" which she nearly dropped several times before a servant managed to rescue it from her. In her other hand was a large witch hat, which twitched and seemed ready to jerk itself out of her fingers.

"The guards found this hat flying throughout the palace, and I managed to catch it! It's a real fighter!" Haruhi smirked at the hat, squirming to get out of her grasp. It seemed to want to go further into the room.

Miss Asahina put her hand to her mouth, "That, that, isn't that-"

"It does look like it, doesn't it?" Haruhi smiled.

The hat suddenly went limp, and out of it emerged Yuki Nagato, standing, now wearing the hat on her head.

"It's my hat, you know." Yuki said in her usual monotone.

"The Brigade is finally together again!" Haruhi clapped her hands. "With my leadership, we'll find the other Suzaku Seven in no time!"

Koizumi tapped his chin and said aloud, "Miss Nagato, I presume from your change in clothes and unusual mode of transportation that you are now a member of the Suzaku Seven, like us?"

She nodded almost imperceptibly.

Yuki Nagato is, under more normal circumstances, the second member of the SOS Brigade. She usually wears the same school uniform as Haruhi and Miss Asahina, but her outfit had indeed changed. She was now wearing a white shirt and blue plants, with a blue robe draped over her. The robe was patterned with white crescent moons. In her hand she held her star wand, a prop from an abysmal student film Haruhi had forced us to make, and on Yuki's head was the witch's hat she wore at the last cultural festival. This was the hat which had apparently moved through the palace on its own as Yuki's means of transport.

Although Yuki describes herself as a "biological interface" for an "informational entity" or something like that, I find it easier to think of her as an alien. She says that she's a scouting unit sent from a great "informational entity" to find out about the strange profusion of information that Haruhi emits whenever she changes the universe.

"So, what are your newly gained powers, Nagato?" Haruhi pressed excitedly.

Nagato cocked her head at Haruhi.

"Have you noticed any changes in yourself?" I put in, trying to clarify. Yuki usually understands us perfectly, but sometimes you have to be careful just how you express yourself.

"I have a new nickname. Chichiri. You know." Yuki informed Haruhi slowly.

"That's one of the seven," Koizumi agreed. "We've got four already and it's only our third day here."

Yuki Nagato unexpectedly stepped up to my bed and flung off the covers. I was clad in some sort of fancy silk pajamas, doubtless courtesy of the palace wardrobe.

"Wh-wh-what?" Miss Asahina stammered in stupefaction.

Yuki proceeded to start cutting away my cast with her star wand, which somehow proved adequate to the task. I thought it an appropriate junction at which to inquire, "Nagato, what exactly are you doing?"

"Applying a salve to instantly heal his legs, you know," Nagato said aloud. She murmured at me, "I've examined the salve carefully. It contains closely packed beneficial information. You know."

"How did you know his legs were broken?" Koizumi inquired, leaning forward to watch the operation.

"Taittsukun gave me information, you know," Yuki said tonelessly as she applied the salve to my unencumbered legs. She carefully spread it over the whole of the break while Haruhi murmured excitedly, "A mysterious healing! I wish I had a camera!"

My legs were indeed instantly healed. I slowly slid my legs off the bed, and gingerly touched the floor with my toes. Then I stood up and walked.

The room exploded in applause and congratulations. While the servants gawked, I told Nagato, "Thank you." She looked back innocently at me.

"Did you say something about a Taittsukun?" Miss Asahina asked Yuki curiously.

Nagato agreed, "An informational entity I encountered shortly after entering this world. She informed me of my nickname and instructed me to give the salve she'd made to Kyon."

"Enough chitchat," Haruhi swept her arm towards the door, "let's go find the last three warriors!"

"It's dark already," I pointed my thumb behind me at the window.

Haruhi made a frustrated noise and gave in with bad grace, "Fine, we're starting bright and early tomorrow."


	4. Bandit

Chapter 4: Bandit

Of course, bright and early the next day, we were all ready. How could it be otherwise?

"So, where should we head, Miss Suzumiya?" Koizumi asked her.

Yuki unexpectedly held out a clear, palm-sized globe. "This globe indicates the location of a Suzaku warrior." She pointed towards a mountain range some distance away.

"Great!" Haruhi enthused. "That's our heading, then. Hyah, horse!" She dug her heels into its sides and it began to canter off immediately. Of course Haruhi held her seat perfectly, despite the horse's panicked pace. She may be unconventional, but her athletic talents are indisputable.

"Um, how do I make it go?" Miss Asahina asked, holding her own reins in utter bewilderment. She looked between one of the leather strips in her hands, then at the other, and tried gently tugging one, but the horse ignored her.

I, of course, wasn't doing any better. In fact, I wasn't even bothering to hold the reins.

"Let me try and show you," Koizumi offered Miss Asahina, nudging his horse over towards her. He began to fiddle with the reins. I have no idea how he knows to ride.

I looked over at Nagato to ask for some help, if she had any to give, but she was curiously studying one of the golden clasps securing a harness strap.

Haruhi made her horse return by sheer force of will. I was starting to feel pretty sorry for her mount. "Come on, you guys!" she demanded. "How does this make the SOS Brigade look?"

"Maybe we could just ride in a wagon," I suggested.

Haruhi dropped the reins and put her arms akimbo. "This is no way to begin an adventure to find espers, aliens, and time travelers! Whatever happened to a loyal band of travelers riding off to exotic adventures!"

"Usually they've had some practice riding," I pointed out.

Koizumi held up a hand appeasingly and said calmly, "I'm sure we'll get the hang of it any second now."

I was going to ask how, but I noticed that Yuki had somehow gained control of her horse and sidled it up to Miss Asahina's, and was now murmuring something quietly.

"Cheating again?" I muttered at Koizumi.

He shrugged and whispered back, "Better than another enclosed space."

"It's about time Haruhi learned to deal with disappointment," I disagreed quietly.

By this point Yuki had come up to my horse and was saying something quietly to it.

"So," I asked Yuki, simultaneously curious and afraid of the answer, "what information are you editing right now, that of the reins or the saddle?"

"A one-way data link from you to your horse," Yuki replied softly after she was done. "It will respond to your mental commands. You know."

A bit disturbing, being telepathically linked with a horse. Still, it works. Asahina's horse is now moving forward, even though she's only holding the reins loosely, and now I can steer mine without even holding the reins. Fortunately, Haruhi is more interested in those mountains on the horizon than in how exactly we learned to ride.

* * *

About half an hour into the journey, I slowed my horse and brought her alongside Yuki Nagato's. I could get used to this sort of thing, I guess. I mean the effortless control over my horse without actually having to learn how. I think it'll take a few years of frequent riding before I get used to my sore back and legs.

"So, any idea what's really going on around here?" I asked Yuki.

She looked quizzically at me.

"Can we get out of this world?" I clarified.

"There are multiple information entities present," Yuki explained, "which seek to retain us here until some objective is achieved. Also the structure of this space has been reordered so as to present multiple definitions of persons, the resultant combinations diluting their personal information. The probability of successful extraction of original personalities cannot yet be calculated due to insufficient data."

I frowned. This was usually the sort of thing that happened when I tried to talk with Yuki. All I really understood was that we didn't have a good chance of escaping.

Yuki added, "You know." I looked at her again, but that seemed to be all she had to say.

* * *

That evening we set up camp, still many miles from the foot of the mountains. Koizumi, Miss Asahina, Yuki, and I were sitting around a campfire, but Haruhi was standing up.

"This is taking so long!" Haruhi complained. "Where are the other warriors already! Yuki, jiggle that crystal a bit, see if it isn't stuck in the wrong direction or anything."

Yuki obediently shook the crystal ball, but no change was evident.

Haruhi restlessly turned to face the mountains, perhaps hoping that if she glared at them long enough, they'd come closer.

"I didn't realize riding a horse hurt this much," Miss Asahina sighed.

Koizumi waved his hand over his legs, "I understand it gets better with time. Still, I find myself in an awkward position. Could someone please help me stand up? My legs have cramped severely." He closed his fist to indicate the compression.

I struggled to my feet, but before I could get over to him, Haruhi had already hauled him up by the collar.

"Thanks very much," he nodded at her retreating back while he straightened his garment.

I paced about, trying to unstiffen my legs. I noticed Yuki was still jiggling the crystal ball. "You can stop if you want to, you know," I told her. She put it away.

* * *

The next day, we were going up the mountains, through a thick wood, when we found the steep path blocked by a fallen log. Before we knew what was happening, we were surrounded by bandits.

"All right, boys," said one hoodlum in a a blue shirt and a large, black leather jacket with huge silver buckles. He chuckled as he swaggered forward, "It looks like we've got some rich people today. Looks like some A-rank- huh?" The hoodlum stared at me.

I stared at the hoodlum. "Taniguchi? You're the last person I'd think of joining a motorcycle gang."

"Kyon, what are you doing here? And- wait, what the? This is the SOS Brigade!" He swept his eyes back and forth along our party.

This is one of my friends, Taniguchi, back from my school in the real world. Like me, he's also an ordinary human. Taniguchi is a bit of a kidder, but he's dependable. Now, what he's doing as a highwayman? I'll have to ask him.

"How did you guys get here?" Taniguchi put his hands on top of his head and slowly shook his head in disbelief.

Okay, I guess he asked us first. "The short version: red light, bird call, I don't know what else," I summarized.

He groaned. "Me too. Great, so now we're all stuck here."

"Do I know you?" Haruhi asked sharply.

We all turned to look at her. Taniguchi looked put out. I don't blame him. After all, he and Haruhi went to the same middle school, and today they still go to the same high school. Besides that, I have a suspicion that she once dumped him five minutes after he asked her out.

"Yeah, it's Taniguchi," I told her. Then, before she could upset him further, I asked, "Taniguchi, it's nice to see you doing so well. You've claimed quite a remarkable area, and you've got some good men with you, I can see. May we please have your permission to pass through your forest?" Taniguchi has always had a weakness for flattery, like most of us, I suppose.

He approached closer to my horse and wheedled, "Come on, Kyon, I've got the guys to think about!" He waggled his fingers at his fellow bandits. "Besides, it's not every day that four A-rank beauties fall into our laps!"

I looked back and forth along our train in confusion. There was Haruhi, myself, Miss Asahina, Miss Nagato, and Koizumi. There are only three women here. Where was he getting four from?

"It's a natural mistake," Koizumi put in as he brushed his luxuriant tresses.

Taniguchi's eyes became as wide as saucer plates. "That's Koizumi?" He backed away and clutched his stomach. "I think I'm gonna be sick," he moaned.

"T-T-Taniguchi," Miss Asahina stuttered, "p-p-please don't hurt us."

Taniguchi's head snapped around to face her. "Miss Asahina!" he nearly drooled.

Haruhi was drumming her fingers on her folded arms. "Come on, Kyon, I want to cross the mountains by nightfall!" she commanded.

Taniguchi said quickly to her, while annoyingly facing Miss Asahina, "Oh, you don't want to do that! It's really cold up there, and it's dangerous trying to find the path in the dark!"

I almost rolled my eyes, but checked myself. Taniguchi didn't ordinarily lie, and he had some good points. Besides, he did have the upper hand in this situation, even if he'd temporarily forgotten it. "May we please stay at your camp, then?" I asked.

"Of course!" Taniguchi agreed, and the bandits cheered. "Stay as long as you like, friends!" He spread his arms welcomingly. The bandits cheered again.

* * *

Now it's supper time with my friend Taniguchi, the bandit king. He's got a pretty good headquarters- an actual compound up here in the mountains. We're all eating at one long table, with plenty of fare.

People like Miss Asahina are right to be worried when surrounded by brigands. They had been crowding around her. If they bothered her, I'd show them some of these new martial arts moves I had! It didn't come to that, though. Haruhi sat down with Miss Asahina and began plotting her usual wild schemes, putting Miss Asahina in a headlock to convince her to agree. The bandits had edged back to their places at the table, and they spent the rest of their meal staring nervously at the two of them.

Haruhi enjoyed a sampling of all the different kinds of fare here. I felt bad about eating stolen food, but it's better than the alternative.

"The way I see it, Kyon," Taniguchi waved a chicken leg at me like a cudgel as we faced each other across the table, "you owe me."

I regarded him and asked coolly, "How do you reckon that?"

"I warned you about Haruhi," he reminded me quietly, "and you didn't listen. Now we've all gotten sucked into her weirdness."

"Things could be a lot worse," I pointed out. "Besides, how do you know she did this anyway?"

"Oh come, on! I have no idea how, but it's obvious she did it!" He paused to take a bite of chicken. Something seemed odd about his mouth, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

Taniguchi continued, "Look at this! All of us, here, together! Are you trying to tell me that's a coincidence?! Now look, you owe me for bringing me into this. Convince the rest of the Brigade to stick around! At least a few days!"

"I barely have any say in what happens around here," I refused. "Convince them yourself."

He glared at me, and I realized what was odd about his mouth. He now had sharp fangs, like a dog or a wolf, mixed in amongst normal human teeth!

"Taniguchi, what happened to your teeth?" I asked.

"Just some more weirdness," he shrugged.

His second-in-command clapped him on the shoulder. "Taniguchi, you can't fight destiny. You know you want to go with them."

Taniguchi turned to him as though his lieutenant had bayed at the moon. "No I don't! I want to stay here, and I want Miss Asahina to stay here at least!"

The lieutenant shook his head with a sad smile. "The old boss said you were to be our leader before he died, but we all knew it was temporary. You're Tasuki, of the Suzaku Seven."

"No, I'm Taniguchi, completely different sound!" Taniguchi argued. "And what are the Suzaku Seven?"

"Really weird people like us," I explained. "We came out here in the first place to find the last three."

"I know you really want to go with them," the lieutenant said, happy for his boss but sad to see him go.

"What? I'm not one of the Suzaku Seven!" Taniguchi protested, seething.

The lieutenant tapped his forearm, "Then what about the character there?"

Taniguchi pulled up his jacket sleeve to reveal a dully glowing character on his forearm. "That doesn't mean anything!"

I hated to do this to him, but it was better than Haruhi getting bored and making an enclosed space, and it might get us all home. I pointed out, "It means that you'll get to travel with us wherever we go. We Suzaku Seven probably ought to stick together."

"So I'll be traveling with Miss Asahina?" He gaped at me.

"Take the boss' old iron fan, and use its flame spell well, just like we practiced," his lieutenant presented a small iron fan to him. "I'll lead the guys in your stead while you're gone."

Taniguchi took the fan in shock, then grabbed my arm, so quickly I didn't even see it move. "Kyon, don't kid with me. What's happened to me? What's going on? Maybe you're used to this kind of weirdness, but I'm not, and I don't wanna be! I don't want to be a Suzaku Seven. I don't want a destiny. And I don't want fangs! I just want my old body and my old world back!"

I pushed my food around. "I don't know what to tell you, except coming with us is probably your best shot at that."

He slumped back in his chair, clutching the fan to his chest, then sighed and agreed, "All right." He leaned forward again. "Like you say, it could be worse. Not every day I get to travel with three A-ranked beauties."

I can tell it's going to be a quite a trial finding the last two Suzaku warriors.


	5. Family

Chapter 5: Family

Haruhi wanted to return to the palace, convinced that we wouldn't find any more warriors in this region. This gut feeling was borne out by Yuki's crystal. After some discussion, Haruhi agreed to my suggestion that we return to the palace by another route, so we could at least check out one more region before our return.

Koizumi suggested we visit some of the villages near the Konan Empire's border with the Koutou Empire. He said the two nations were at peace, so we shouldn't have anything to worry about.

On our second day away from Taniguchi's bandit camp, we arrived in the fifth village we'd visited so far, and something very odd happened. People smiled and waved at me, or said, "Good to see you back!" I hope I didn't appear rude, because I almost didn't realize they were speaking to me.

Finally we ran into one guy who told me, "Say, you're finally back! Your family will be glad to see you!"

I looked quizzically at him. Taniguichi rode up his horse (we'd brought a few spares and mounted him on one, after Yuki spelled it for him,) and whispered, "Kyon, these guys are nuts, right? There's no way you could have family here."

"Let's go ahead and visit them, Kyon!" Haruhi suggested unexpectedly.

"Kyon, eh? A nice nickname from such a pretty girl!" The villager smiled knowingly at me. "You sly devil!" He left us with a chuckle.

"B-b-but, this isn't where Kyon lives!" Miss Asahina protested.

Haruhi looked at me, "Come on, Kyon, don't you want to see them?"

I looked at her. "Haruhi, my family has never lived anyplace remotely like this," I said quietly. "I don't know what's happening, but it's suspicious."

"Still, we should at least check it out!" Haruhi said loudly.

"An excellent idea. Why don't Kyon and Haruhi go look in on his family while we buy provisions?" Koizumi suggested.

Taniguchi stared at Koizumi, while Nagato simply looked at her still unresponsive globe. Haruhi made my decision for me by grabbing my horse's reins and leading us away.

Fortunately, Haruhi took it upon herself to ask for directions. It was still awkward not knowing where my own house was, but at least I didn't have to ask. We came to a small, one-room cottage on the outskirts of town, humble but well-kept. After we dismounted, I stepped forward and knocked on the door.

It was opened by my little sister!

"Kyon!" she gasped, then ran forward and grabbed my leg. She begged, "Take me away from this weirdo!"

An old, kindly, looking man stepped forward. "Yuiren, who's at the door?" he asked, then saw us standing there. "My son!" he cried in delight. "Kishuku, you've come back to us! And who's this? Have you brought us your bride?"

"Where- who- what do you mean?" I asked incoherently. I looked down at my little sister. "How long have you been here? What's going on?"

Haruhi pushed past us into the house. "This is it! This is the illustration in the book! But where are all the kids? I should be able to scoop up armfuls of moppets!"

"I'm sorry my family disappoints you," I said in annoyance. "Don't you remember? I've only got one sibling." I looked back down at my little sister. "What's been happening?"

She pointed at the old man and accused, "That old weirdo's been claiming he's my dad, and all the other villagers say so too, but he's not our dad, Kyon!"

"Yuiren," the old man said sadly. He looked at me and explained, "She's been distraught ever since you left."

My little sister's right. This guy isn't anything like our dad. Our dad's a lot younger, for one thing. And they look very different. And my dad's personality is a lot different from what I've seen of this fellow.

Haruhi had now turned her attention to the old man. "So, are you one of the Suzaku Seven?" she asked him.

"No, but my son Kishuku is," he said as he beamed at me. I couldn't look him in the eyes.

"He's not your son!" my little sister shouted at him.

The old man looked apologetically at Haruhi. "You'll have to excuse her. So, are you my son's bride?"

Haruhi explained, "No, we go to school together. I'm the leader of the SOS Brigade, of which he's a member. I'm Haruhi Suzumiya." She bowed.

"School, eh? I didn't realize he was going to school. Oh, excuse me." The old man bowed back, "I'm Kyuuen Sou. You've already met my daughter Yuiren and my son Kishuku."

"Those aren't our names!" my little sister wailed. She looked close to tears.

I knelt down so I could look her in the eyes. I patted her on the head and whispered, "I know, I know. Calm down, I'll figure something out. Are you hurt in any way? Has anyone mistreated you here?"

She shook her head in negation as she got a grip on herself. "No, everyone's been nice, but that makes it worse! It's so weird here! Can we go home soon?"

"I don't know about soon, but hopefully sometime," I tried to reassure her.

She looked me up and down. "Why are you dressed like that?" she asked.

That's my little sister for you. She's only in the fifth grade. Sometimes she helps out with SOS Brigade activities. It looks like she's been well cared for- the Chinese hand-me-downs this old man must've given her are clean, and she looks like she's been eating well. I had no idea she was taken to this world as well. I sure hope nobody else I know is stranded in some remote area in this world.

The old man sighed in relief, seeing Yuiren- I mean, my little sister- calm down. That guy's confident misidentification is starting to affect me!

"Yuiren," the old man smiled at her, "didn't you make something for our guest?" My little sister stared back at him in disbelief, and he continued, "I know you were making something for the bride he'd meet one day."

"No, I wasn't," she contradicted him, "I was trying to get away from you!"

Haruhi announced, "It was nice getting to know you. Please excuse us for having barged in on you like this."

She bowed, and he returned it forlornly. "Are you leaving already?" he asked sadly.

I quickly stepped forward. "I think we'd better take my little sister along too," I suggested. "We can help her."

The old man sighed, and hugged me tightly, acquiescing, "If you're sure, my son. I entrust her to your care."

I felt really awful.

My little sister was cheering.

He finally released me and went to hug my little sister, but she protested, "Kyon, make him stop!" as she ran to the other side of the cottage.

The old man smiled ruefully. "Very well, then. Farewell," he bowed to her.

She looked rebellious, but I had my eye on her, so she shrugged and bowed back and replied, "Thank you for taking care of me." I think she actually was sincere when she said that.

The others were surprised when we all met in the village square. I had put my little sister in front of me on the saddle. Taniguchi stared at her in shock. "So your family was here?" he inquired.

"No, just me," she replied firmly.

Koizumi tapped his chin as he mused, "This is an unexpected development."

"I should've known the SOS Brigade was involved," my little sister declared. "What is this, some sort of historical reenactment? You guys dumped me for more than a week with that old weirdo!"

I protested, "We're trapped just as much as you. I had no idea you were here."

Haruhi leaned over from her horse to examine my little sister at close range. "So, are you one of the Suzaku Seven?" she asked.

My little sister blinked. "What's that?" she asked, confused. "A pop band? A team of superheroes from some new manga? Why would I be part of it?"

"Yuki's crystal ball isn't doing anything, so I don't think so," I surmised. "To answer your question," I looked at my little sister, "the short answer is that somehow we've become them and we need to find the rest to get home."

My little sister nodded sagaciously and said thoughtfully, "When I wake up from this, I'm not going to sleep for a week."


	6. Storm

Chapter 6: Storm

We rode for about an hour. My little sister was now riding with Miss Asahina, and the two were chatting pleasantly. We came to a large lake, with tall cliffs at the far side. I noticed the sky was getting darker, and looked up to see several huge storm clouds moving in.

I returned my eyes to the cliffs and saw someone climb up from the far side and stand at the top. Is that who I think it is? We're in big trouble if I'm right.

Taniguchi is sending his horse galloping up ahead to the cliffs - he's seen her too. "Miss Asakura!" he's shouting at her. "It's great to see you again!"

Haruhi was riding beside me, and said excitedly, "Kyon, it's her, the girl who mysteriously transferred out of our school! Now she's reappeared here! Maybe we can finally find out what happened!"

Ryoko Asakura's soft but crystal clear voice was carried perfectly to us as we continued riding, maybe by the storm winds or the natural acoustic properties of the cliffs and the lake beneath. "Why hello, everyone. It's marvelous to see that you've all been enjoying your lives since I left you."

I looked to back and to my right, and saw Yuki leaving her position at the back of the line and galloping forward. That's quite a relief - I can only hope Yuki can defend all of us.

"I can tell, we're on the cusp of many changes being made to this world, and all that's needed is a catalyst," Asakura considered. She smiled at me and said pleasantly, "Kyon, if your death can be that catalyst, we can finally understand the flow of information around Haruhi Suzumiya. I know last time you didn't want to die, but this is the best way to improve things. This time I won't dissipate my energies controlling the flow of information in this area. In fact, I think I'll utilize an entirely new source of power."

The storms had now come directly overhead. She reached up her hand, and it was instantly struck by a bolt of lightning. She didn't flinch, and in a moment the lightning continued out of her palm. It would've hit me, except my horse reared in terror and threw me off, so the bolt hit the ground instead. I'm fairly sure that the lightning is not following the normal laws of physics, but the normal laws of physics don't often apply when Asakura is around.

The lightning had spooked the horses. I heard Haruhi's horse neighing as it rode on, and I got up in time to see that the horse Miss Asahina and my little sister was riding on had bolted. They were both screaming as their horse raced further and further away. My heart went out to them, but on the other hand, I was very glad they'd probably be a safe distance from the fight.

Taniguchi had turned chalk white, and he checked his horse sharply as it pranced in alarm. "What's going on? Miss Asakura, what are you trying to do? What are you talking about?"

Asakura sighed. "I see you still don't want to die, Kyon. I don't understand why organics feel so strongly about it. It will happen sooner or later."

Yuki had pulled up near the cliff and her mouth was moving rapidly, though I was still too far away to hear what she was saying. I tried to remount while Haruhi and Koizumi turned their horses around and came back to me. "Kyon, what's she talking about? What did you do to her?" Haruhi demanded to know.

There was no more time for talk. Yuki launched some sort of glowing darts at Asakura. She jumped down to a lower portion of the cliff, avoiding Yuki's attack, and launched a barrage of similar darts at Yuki. Yuki extended her arm in a series of motions too fast to see, intercepting each of the darts. Meanwhile, Asakura leapt to the ground and began to run at superhuman speed towards us.

Koizumi maneuvered his horse forward and cut her off while he drew his sword. Asakura's lips moved quickly and her hands turned into blades. Taniguchi, a few meters to the side, screamed at this unnatural transformation. Koizumi rained blows down on her, and Asakura parried with her blade hands and tried to get past his defenses.

Yuki rode up to Asakura's other side, pointed her star wand at Asakura, and chanted, "Kai-Ha, you know?" Blue bolts coruscated out at Asakura. She moved one of her hands to intercept the bolts in a blur, while the other hand still fended off Koizumi.

Asakura said pleasantly, "I'm starting to think that if I were to kill either of you, Haruhi would also have an interesting reaction. But I'm afraid it would still be nowhere near the magnitude of her response to Kyon's death."

"Let's get out of here," I recommended to Haruhi as I urged my horse into a gallop. She, of course, pretended not to hear me, mesmerized by the unearthly conflict as though it were a television show.

Asakura looked up at the sky above Yuki while still parrying Yuki's bolts and Koizumi's blade. A bolt of blue lightning struck Yuki, and she froze in place. "Please excuse me," Asakura asked Koizumi politely as she leaped three meters in the air above him, landing on the other side of his horse, and began to come after me.

I've already put some distance between myself and her. Last time Asakura tried to kill me I was trapped in a classroom. Let's see if I can outdistance her on a horse!

Haruhi's coming this way, she's probably following both me and Asakura. I think Koizumi's coming, but I'm not sure what's happened to Nagato or Taniguchi. I haven't got a lot of time for that, though, because Asakura is running incredibly fast after me, and I need to pay attention to my horse.

Oh no, the storm clouds are moving after me too! That probably means- augh! Another lightning bolt almost fried us! This time I barely hung on to my horse while it reared and whinnied in utter terror. I looked behind me to see Asakura rapidly closing the distance.

Another lightning bolt almost crashed down on my head, but just in time Yuki leapt off her horse and intercepted it with a shimmering shield around her body. Her horse ran on, and Yuki landed smoothly on the ground.

Asakura was closer than I thought. My horse had turned so that my left side was totally exposed to her. She leapt off the ground, her blade hands slashing at my throat. I ducked underneath her attack, and landed a solid blow to her abdomen, causing her to fall back to the ground.

"That was an excellent hit, Kyon!" Asakura said brightly as she picked herself up.

She launched herself like a coiled spring, feinting towards my throat again. I held back and saw that she was this time slashing from the inside out and then down, towards my legs, and my undeserving horse. I whipped out my arm, striking her in the throat with the side of my hand. This time the momentum carried her down and to my right. She now jumped over the head of my horse, blade arms spread wide, bringing them together so as to scissor me to death. I brought my arms from the inside out, blocking Asakura's attack by hitting the insides of her arms, fortunately at points where they were still humanoid instead of palely glowing cutting edges. I was going to kick her before I realized I was sitting on a horse. Her momentum pushed me back.

Yuki bowled into Asakura from the side with a leap, shoving them both to the ground beside my horse. Koizumi, Taniguchi, and Haruhi rode up and came to a halt near Asakura and Yuki, who were engaged in fierce melee combat, their arms moving so fast I could hardly see them. Asakura was trying to get at me again. Yuki was managing to block her, but I wasn't sure how long this could last. Koizumi looked hesitant to start swinging his sword when he might easily hit Yuki. Yuki, as usual, didn't appear worried at all.

Taniguchi, sweating profusely, aimed an iron fan at Asakura and shouted, "Rekka Shinen!" Yuki leapt away at the last moment, as Asakura was enveloped in flames. Asakura, wreathed in smoke, crumpled to the ground.

"We should leave now, you know?" Yuki recommended in a monotone. I reached out my hand, and she took it and leapt onto my horse behind me. We all started to gallop away, Taniguchi a few seconds later.

Yuki's horse, up ahead, came trotting back to meet us. Taniguchi was shouting after us, "Why are we running? Surely that took care of her?"

In the midst of a perfect jump into her horse's saddle, Yuki answered, "The interface you know as Asakura has not yet suffered irreparable damage, you know."

I wasn't sure what Taniguchi found more unbelievable, the thought that Asakura might still not be dead, or Yuki's preternatural calm. He looked back at where Asakura had fallen and said regretfully, "And she was an A-rank, too."

* * *

A few minutes later, we rejoined the horse bearing Miss Asahina and my sister. They were very relieved to see us alive, but seemed somewhat disturbed when we told them to continue galloping along with us.

I urged my horse to Yuki's side and I asked her, as quietly as you can on a horse thumping rapidly over the plains and still be heard, "How did Asakura come back? I thought you'd destroyed her months ago."

Yuki eyed me calmly and answered, "Unknown. Asakura no longer has data linkages to me or the informational entity, so is not my backup unit. The biological interface we encountered simply exists with information highly similar to the original backup unit, you know?"

Taniguchi sidled his horse alongside and asked, "Hey, Kyon, what was going on? What happened to Asakura, and why was she trying to kill us?"

Haruhi looked back from her position at the head, a meter or so in front of our horses, and yelled back, "Did you do something to her to make her mad, Kyon?" She looked suspiciously at me.

"I didn't do anything," I protested. This was going to get awkward soon. How was I going to explain that Asakura was an alien like Yuki?

Koizumi, at the end of the column, came unexpectedly to my rescue by shouting, "I think my advisors told me about this. We're not the only country with warriors. Our neighbors, the Koutou Empire, have got warriors of Seiryu. I believe we just encountered the one known as Soi. Probably she was just trying to goad Kyon into single combat."

Taniguchi shook his head sadly. "So that's why she's got blades for hands and control over lightning. She's going mad from becoming one of these freaky warrior things."

I feel bad about misleading my friend like this, but I'm not at liberty to divulge any of the Brigade member's secrets.

Miss Asahina put her divine hands to her mouth and whimpered, "S-so there are six more interface- I, I mean, Seiryu warriors somewhere?"

My little sister shivered and cried, "No! Can't we just go home, big brother?"

I didn't anticipate this- Haruhi slowed her horse down a bit so she could come alongside and pat my little sister on the head. "Don't worry," she said. "They're all going to protect us. We're going to make it." Then she galloped further forward.


	7. Combination

Chapter 7: Combination

We returned to the palace without further incident a few days later.

There was no indication that we were being pursued, so the excitement of our near escape had worn off. Haruhi had grown bored, but not enough to get us home.

I tried to talk to her about it a few days after we got back, but she insisted, "No, we're going to find the other warriors."

"So, we're going to search the other parts of the empire soon?" I inquired.

Haruhi groaned, "No, we already did that, it's way too boring to do it again."

Boring? Any more excitement and we might've died!

"Haruhi, we can't just expect the warriors to simply waltz in here on their own," I tried to reason with her. "They may have no idea who they are. We need to find them."

Haruhi leaned on a nearby railing, resting her cheek on a palm with a frown. She looked out at the courtyard which this walkway surrounded, and the buildings which surrounded the walkway.

I was prepared for her to continue doing that for a while, but I was proved wrong. She suddenly raised her head as she sniffed the air, then started heading inside. "That smells good!" she commented.

"We just ate," I looked at her.

"Honestly, Kyon," she shook her head at me, "you have no survival sense. This is an adventure! Who knows when we'll be able to eat again! We have to make the most of every opportunity!" So saying, she headed indoors, towards the food she had scented.

This was odd. I've never known Haruhi to be that interested in food. What was going on, I wondered?

I wandered away, trying to work out what to do next. I was going around a corner when I noticed something shiny on the ground. I paused and saw that it was a coin. As soon as I had realized that, I snatched up the coin like a magpie and examined it closely, clasping it tight in both hands. It was a coin all right, a real one of the Konan Empire. How much would it buy? How many did I have? Were there any more on the ground near this one?

Such were the thoughts that filled my head, and that was pretty frightening. What am I worrying about money for? We're all sponging off Koizumi while we lived at the palace. More accurately, we were sponging off Konan's peasants. So I didn't really need money. It's one thing to pick up a coin on the ground. It's another thing to pounce on it like my life depends on it.

Maybe, I thought, I ought to try to get us out of here before we all start losing our minds.

Then I remembered there was no need to worry. I'd been hanging out with not only Haruhi, but real-life aliens, time travelers, and espers. We were all already crazy.

A patrol of guards was heading my way, with someone in between them. At that point, I couldn't exactly say I was surprised to see that it's another classmate. Let me introduce Tsuruya, one of Mikuru Asahina's friends. Occasionally she hangs out with the SOS Brigade. Tsuruya tends to overexaggerate and will laugh at the slightest provocation. Not to imply that she's flighty. She's actually very shrewd.

"Sir Tamahome!" one of the guards called. Why was he looking at me, I thought? Then I recalled, Oh yeah, Tamahome's my Suzaku name.

"Just Kyo will do," I told him as I came closer.

He nodded smartly. "Very well, Master Kyon."

Great. Even in another world, I still couldn't get rid of that dumb nickname, "Kyon."

"Hello, there Kyon!" Tsuruya called to me. "You on this field trip too?" She began to laugh long and loud.

The guard paused a moment, then, when she was done laughing, told me, "This young lady asked us to bring her to the priestess, and said that she was one of the Suzaku Seven."

"Thanks, I'll take her from here," I told him. The guards saluted and left. I wonder if I was supposed to salute back?

Tsuruya looked around approvingly and commented, "This is a nice palace. We Suzaku Seven sure have a lot going for us!"

I nodded. "So how did you know you were in the Suzaku Seven?" I asked.

"I appeared in the middle of a country field in a flash of red light! The people were sure that was the only explanation!" she laughed for another good long moment. When she was through, she continued, "So the people told me that I should go to the palace. It took me a while to get here because I had to walk most of the way, but I finally made it today!"

As we talked, I lead the way towards the building where Haruhi had gone in pursuit of food. Tsuruya stopped a moment, held out her palm to me and asked amusedly, "See anything different about me?" She was barely containing another lengthy laugh.

"Other than the faint red Chinese character on your palm, no," I told her.

Tsuruya gave in and laughed, retrieving her palm and beginning to walk again. "The elder of a village I stopped in told me that means I'm Mitsukake."

I replied, "Interesting. So, do you have any special powers?"

"How would I know?" she spread her hands. "Do you have any special powers?"

"All of a sudden, I know martial arts," I informed her.

She considered me. "That seems more like a skill," she disagreed. "But it proves my point, you just wouldn't know about these sorts of things immediately."

I shrugged. "I'd settle for going home and never knowing. But right now I'm operating under the theory that we need to find the last Suzaku warrior to return, if we can."

She looked at me in surprise. "You guys already found six? You must've been working a lot harder than I give you credit for!" She laughed for a good few seconds at that joke.

"I have to admit," I said diffidently, "that every single one we did find, including me, we found by accident far more than by design."

"Don't worry," she said blithely, "can't be too much more trouble to find one more person. Especially since everybody knows you guys are looking for them."

We had finally found Haruhi, in some sort of kitchen area. She had just finished one plate of leftovers and was going to start on another when we entered. Haruhi ran up excitedly and asked, "Tsuruya! Is it you? Are you one of the Suzaku Seven?"

"Yep!" Tsuruya saluted, and said officiously, "Mitsukake at your service, Miss Priestess of Suzaku!" Tsuruya then doubled over in laughter, clutching at her stomach.

As usual, Haruhi was completely unoffended. "Excellent! We're getting more members every day!" she enthused. "Soon we'll have the largest public gathering of espers ever!"

Miss Asahina entered the room and looked radiantly at Tsuruya. "T-Tsuruya, it's you!" she exclaimed happily.

Tsuruya ran over and took Miss Asahina's divine hands. "You're certainly doing well here, Mikuru!" Tsuruya exclaimed. "You've even got new clothes." Oh, I guess Tsuruya noticed the fancy robes Mikuru got when she first arrived in this world. Tsuruya looked them over for a moment, then gave a thumbs up and announced, "I approve!" Miss Asahina appeared greatly relieved.

* * *

Later that evening, we were all at dinner. Tsuruya had just finished one of her stories about her adventures during her journey to the palace. Just when her last peal of laughter died away, we heard a swooshing noise.

This was followed by a thudding noise as a small black knife with some sort of paper tied around it thudded into the table from above. We all (that is, everyone except Yuki Nagato) looked around and up in consternation, and the guards raised the alarm throughout the palace, but we didn't find whoever had done it. Koizumi said later that he had an impression of something great and dark having been perched on the ceiling and then withdrawn quickly, like a puppet in a show being whisked offstage.

When the excitement had died down a bit, and Haruhi had returned from a breathless pursuit of the thing which had interrupted our meal, we considered the knife more closely. The blade was shaped like a diamond, the hilt was small, and the base of the hilt was a small metal ring. Tied around the ring was a short message. I couldn't read it all from my place at the table, but I could see it was written in Japanese.

Haruhi's eyes sparkled with excitement as she asked, "Is it a challenge?"

Koizumi's response was subdued. "I'm not sure why they felt the need to send it. If our neighbors in Koutou wanted, they could launch a major invasion right now. There've been troop movements near our border."

"W-W-What should we do?" Miss Asahina asked, frightened.

My little sister noted, "I guess we'll have to read it to find out, won't we?"

"Forget that!" Taniguchi disagreed. "Let's find the last Suzaku guy and get back to the real world! Preferably before someone stabs us at dinner tomorrow."

Haruhi, however, had already taken the paper off the knife and read it. "Why do they think we'd agree to this?" she asked, shaking her head.

"Agree to what?" Koizumi asked, curious.

Haruhi stuffed the paper in a pocket, huffing,"It's totally ridiculous and has nothing to do with anything!"

"They infiltrated the palace to deliver it," I pointed out. "They think it's important."

My little sister asked Haruhi, "Please, can I see it?"

"It's irrelevant," Haruhi pronounced. "As president of the SOS Brigade, I refuse their proposal."

Taniguchi wasn't interested in the letter from our unseen enemy. He was finishing his meal quickly and throwing occasional glances at the ceiling.

Yuki unexpectedly said, "The paper comes from Asakura, you know."

Koizumi looked at her with interest. "Fascinating. I take it you recognized her handwriting." He looked knowingly at her as he added, "In a manner of speaking." Yuki nodded.

Tsuruya snorted and joked, "Maybe it's a love letter!" She then collapsed into hysterics.

I remonstrated with Haruhi, "I find it hard to believe that Asakura is saying anything helpful, seeing as she does want me dead. But if she or someone working with her can sneak into the dining room, I don't think we can afford to simply ignore what she has to say."

"I've made up my mind," Haruhi glared at me.

Miss Asahina looked anxiously between myself and Haruhi.

Koizumi recommended, "In any event, I don't think anyone should move about alone. We'd be like scattered birdseed, easily snatched up and eaten. We should be accompanied by at least one other person at all times."

"Right." Haruhi agreed loudly as she came around the table. "Kyon, you're coming with me."

"I'm still eating," I said, gesturing to my plate.

She said firmly, "Come on," while she grabbed my collar and hauled me to my feet, then rapidly out of the room.

Needless to say, we quickly found ourselves in another hallway of the palace. Haruhi didn't appear lost, but she didn't appear to be going anywhere in particular either. At least she'd slowed down a bit, and now was striding purposefully to nowhere.

I decided to try a different tack. "The note really seems to have bothered you," I said conversationally.

"What makes you think that?" Haruhi asked argumentatively.

Which of her recent actions wasn't a clue?

Haruhi came to an abrupt halt and groaned, "You really aren't going to let it go, are you? Look, it's just some stupid demands on behalf of the Koutou Empire. They're nothing to worry about with our new esper powers. I don't care how unfriendly an alien Asakura is. She didn't turn out to be a match for the strength of the SOS Brigade!"

I held up my hands peaceably. "Hey, probably it's an unreasonable demand, just to make trouble. I actually think you're right for turning it down. We were just curious about what it said."

"I'm glad you understand," Haruhi told me, mostly mollified. She released my collar, looked slightly to the side, tapped her finger to her chin, and then decided, "That being the case, I suppose I can let you see the letter. Since I've already decided as the president that we're not going to agree to it."

With those words, she withdrew the now-crumpled note from her pocket and handed it over to me. It was written on a single, narrow strip, presumably to make it easier to attach to the knife. It read, "Please excuse this interruption of your meal, but this message is urgent. In exchange for not reclaiming the border villages that belong to the Koutou Empire, Kyon must surrender to us by presenting himself alone, outside the palace, at night. Your old classmate, Ryoko Asakura."

Haruhi was waiting with her hand out, so I gave the note back. I wasn't sure how I felt. On the one hand, it was obviously a bad idea to agree. On the other hand, I kept thinking of the old man who thought he was my dad, and all the other people we'd met who lived in villages near the Koutou Empire. How far would Asakura go to provoke a world-changing event from Haruhi Suzumiya?

"I'm starving," Haruhi commented as she took my wrist and returned to the dining room.

* * *

I was finally able to finish my meal, and was going to return to my room, when I was informed that it had been changed. I'd now been moved to an inner room, without a window, for safety. Haruhi, in the meantime, simply hung around, pacing back and forth in the hall, in front of my door. Eventually it got to where I couldn't sleep, so I opened my door and asked her to consider sleeping in her own room, like a normal person.

"Do you think we can simply allow this insult to the pride of the SOS Brigade to go unchallenged?" Haruhi asked incredulously. "We can't let mysterious assassins pick off any of our members with impunity!"

I argued sleepily, "Haruhi, there are two guards in here and two out there. This is as much protection as anyone can reasonably have."

"Of course, but I'm waiting to take out the mysterious assassin!" Haruhi explained with a wicked grin. "That coward will learn not to mess with the SOS Brigade!"

As usual, I lacked the energy to carry the argument any further, so I simply shut the door and collapsed onto the bed.

I think I fell asleep fairly soon after that, but then I awoke in the middle of the night, staring at the ceiling above my bed.

If I didn't comply with Asakura's demands, who would die? The old man who thought he was my father? The other innocent villagers? Or would she send that "mysterious assassin," as Haruhi put it, to kill one of us? My little sister? Haruhi? Miss Asahina? Koizumi? Taniguchi? Tsuruya?

Of course, all that was assuming a lot. Maybe the old man and the other villagers weren't even real, although it'd be hard to convince them of that. And besides which, there was not really any indication that Asakura or the Koutou Empire she was apparently working for would actually keep their word. Koizumi had indicated that the Koutou Empire was a strong nation. So probably if I were to surrender, Asakura would kill me and the Koutou Empire would invade anyway. So surrendering myself would be a very bad idea, hurting far more than it would help.

It'd also be a horrendous error from a strategic point of view. Once we got all the warriors, we could go home. Or maybe Haruhi would get a wish and she would wish us back home, or at least wish us victory over Koutou. In any case, we only needed to find the last warrior to achieve victory. If we stuck together, we could be able to win this.


	8. Altercation

Chapter 8: Altercation

I woke up, shouted in shock, and shoved away the creepy guy who was standing way too close to my bed.

I rolled out of bed, away from the weird guy who had so inexplicably appeared. My legs were tangled in the sheets, which had fallen off the bed with me. I looked around quickly. The candles in the room had burned low and were almost sputtering out. I dimly saw two men in my room, both of them disturbingly close to my bed.

Before I had managed to untangle my legs, one of the men somehow flew over my bed and almost landed on top of me. I rolled out of the way and frantically kicked my legs free of the sheets, fortuitously avoiding a second lunge from the flying man.

I leapt to my feet and landed a solid kick on the midsection of the flying creep. Two things surprised me. First of all, his surface was much harder than I had thought- my whole leg hurt after the kick. Second, he was heavy, but much lighter than I had anticipated. He flew several feet back into the bed.

At that moment, the door opened, and there was a blaze of light from the hallway. Haruhi stood there, a gigantic grin on her face. She ran forward and jumped, launching into her flying kick straight at the flying creep. Through some bizarre straining of the laws of physics, she actually managed to behead the creep! Haruhi herself landed smoothly near me, and turned to face the remaining man, and announced, "The SOS Brigade triumphs again! Really, did you think you could stop our mission to have fun with aliens, espers, and time travelers! And you've only got two people! My club way outnumbers you! Kyon, beat up the last one!"

Although I had thought that was the weirdest thing I'd see that evening, weirder things were in store. The body of the beheaded creep flung itself at Haruhi, and from behind her, the head launched itself at her, as though someone had thrown it.

What's a guy supposed to do to fight a flying undead creep? Easy. I jumped away, over the bed and to the other side, and charged the other man.

In the light from the hallway, I had seen his arms moving, as though he was pulling the head and the body around, and his fingers were splayed oddly. The flying beheaded creep was actually some sort of puppet! So obviously the thing to do was to take out the puppet master.

I could see the other man's face, turning to me in surprise. Or at least I think that's what he felt. He had so much face paint on that there was almost more paint than face there. Then there was a blur, and suddenly I found myself facing the ugliest puppet I've ever seen. It was standing right where the puppet master had been standing. The puppet had three eyes and scraggly hair. The head was wobbly, not being properly attached to its body, but of course that didn't disturb it as it reached out towards me.

I swung out my arms to block it. It really hurt, striking against its wooden arms, and I was amazed when its arms continued going, around my block and to my back! Those things were more like tentacles than arms! It turned me around and then clasped me to its chest, pinioning my arms and legs by looping its limbs around me.

Now I was facing the way it was facing. In my peripheral vision I could see the guards in the room and outside the door were all slumped on the floor. My attention was mainly occupied by the man in a war paint mask, who was extending one arm towards me, presumably to control the puppet, and using a black, diamond-shaped knife in his other arm to ward off Haruhi, who kept trying to kick him. The makeup artist pulled his puppet arm in, and the puppet and I were drawn in until we were both affixed to his back.

The man was backing quickly towards the door- I could tell because it was coming closer and closer to me. Haruhi shouted, "Hey, give back my club member! I saw him first! Go find someone standing around bored and take him into your club instead!"

Yes, Haruhi still thinks of club members as her personal possessions.

Anyhow, I was unwillingly taken out the door and down the hall very quickly. I tried struggling, but the puppet's limbs were rigid, so I couldn't break free. There was a clamor rising, and I heard Haruhi's shouting and guards coming closer, but I realized they wouldn't make it in time.

We exited the palace, and my captor leapt up to the top of the wall in a single leap. I guess he's probably some sort of ninja. Then he leapt down. I heard two voices- presumably his comrades, standing in front of him.

"I've got him," my captor said.

"He's got the mark?" a female voice asked.

"Look for yourself," said my captor. He slung his puppet off his back, and me with it. In the moonlight, I could vaguely see that there was a woman with a humongous fan on her back, and another man with his head bowed and arms crossed.

The woman looked at my forehead and agreed, "Yes, that's it. Let's go." I guess in all the excitement my character appeared.

Without any further ado, I was hoisted back onto my captor's back, and the three ninja began to run at incredible speed. I think they did that all night, but I'm not sure. I fell asleep again.

* * *

Their running was actually very smooth, so there weren't too many bumps until the next morning, when they entered a forest and started leaping from tree to tree. Even that felt more like being on a ship than being hauled on somebody's back.

Eventually they stopped on a tree branch, rested for a moment, then began to get provisions out of their packs. Conveniently enough, my stomach began to rumble.

"I guess we'll have to feed him," the woman said.

I agreed, "Seeing as you went to all this trouble to capture me alive, it would be a pity if I died of starvation before we reached Koutou."

The other man spoke for the first time, telling me with a cold voice, "Not eating for a day. That won't kill you."

My captor spoke, and he sounded afraid for some reason: "Gaara, you know our mission is to bring him in unharmed!"

There was a pause, and Gaara eventually allowed, "Whatever."

Without further delay, the puppet who held me was set down beside my captor. The female ninja took it upon herself to offer a morsel on chopsticks.

"I'm not a baby," I informed her.

"And we're not stupid," she said firmly. "We're not letting you free for a moment."

"I can think of several ways that could get awkward," I said.

My captor pinched the painted bridge of his nose and asked irritatedly, "Do you want to eat or not?"

I accepted the morsel of food.

"How did you know the Koutou Empire hired us?" the female ninja probed.

"We had gotten a letter demanding my surrender just a few hours earlier," I almost shrugged, but the puppet interfered with the movement. "Although really, if you were going to kidnap me," I looked at my captor, "you needn't have bothered leaving the note."

My captor chuckled, "That's what I thought, but our mission was to give you at least a few hours to surrender."

I wanted to keep talking, but the blonde woman began to continuously shove food in my mouth. I almost mean that literally. Faced with a choice between eating or choking, I picked eating.

The ninja who had captured me got done with his own meal very quickly, and then I could hear him making field repairs on his puppet behind me, rejoining the head to the neck. "I still can't believe that girl kicked the head off Karasu!" he muttered venomously.

The female ninja looked surprised, but she also shook her head and remonstrated, "It's like I always say - stop underestimating people!"

The short meal was finished quickly. I wasn't even close to satiated, but the ninja appeared ready to keep going for hours. They all look like they're only a few years younger than me - what kind of lives have they been living that they're used to kidnapping people and hours of vigorous physical activity?


	9. Backup

Chapter 9: Backup

Later that day, we reached a great city, presumably the capital of Koutou. We didn't get a chance to see much of it, or the outside of its magnificent palace, because the ninja leapt in quick succession over various walls, through the city, and into the palace.

Ryoko Asakura was standing in a room with rich blue hangings, waiting for us. I was set down on the floor, facing her, still bound by the puppet Karasu.

"How wonderful to see you all," Asakura said politely. "Kyon, I believe you've met these three? They're the ninja team I hired from The Village Hidden in the Sand. This is Temari," she looked at the female ninja with the enormous fan on her back, "Kankuro," she looked at my captor, "and Gaara." She looked at the third ninja, who I now saw had red hair and apparently was an insomniac, judging by the dark circles around his eyes.

"Good afternoon," I said dryly, nodding my head by way of greeting.

Kankuro and Temari were nonplussed, looking between myself, themselves, and Asakura. Gaara seemed to be caught up in his own little world.

Asakura addressed herself to the ninjas, "Thank you very much for your hard work in bringing Kyon here. Please commit him into my custody, and accept these bonuses for your timely delivery." She proffered some blue jewels.

Kankuro made a slight movement with his hand, and Karasu's limbs released me. I stood up and stretched as the ninjas accepted the gems. My skin had chafed where Karasu had gripped me, but at least I didn't have splinters.

"What happens next?" I asked.

Asakura smiled at me. "You'll be happy to know that I'm not planning on killing you, Kyon."

I paused. Surely I couldn't have heard her right. Finally, I cautiously noted, "This is rather a sudden decision."

Asakura gently contradicted me, "Actually, I arrived at it after some thought. You know what people say: it's insane to keep trying what doesn't work. I realized I don't actually need to kill you for Haruhi Suzumiya to change the world. You just need to be in some sort of danger."

I tried to ignore the weird looks Temari and Kankuro were giving us as I asked, "And Konan?"

"There's no point to threatening Konan when you are my hostage," Asakura stated blithely.

Something just wasn't right here. "The emperor of Koutou doesn't mind moving his troops around pointlessly, or you dipping into his treasury to pay ninjas?" I was guessing that not even "biological interfaces" could produce jewels from thin air.

"After learning from you that humans don't want to die," Asakura said cheerfully, "I found that convincing the emperor of Koutou was easy."

Temari looked shocked, Kankuro looked disbelieving, and Gaara looked bored.

I decided I ought to find a new topic of conversation fast. Maybe something safe and harmless. At that moment, of course, such topics were in short supply.

"I should show you to your room, Kyon," Asakura decided.

"Hold it," Temari said sharply.

Asakura looked over in surprise.

"You see, we can't accept stolen goods as payment," Temari explained, holding up the blue jewel.

Kankuro smiled. "Why don't you have it back?" he suggested, throwing the jewel at her.

Asakura caught the jewel, though it had been flung very fiercely, then the one from Temari. A moment later, Temari had grabbed me, flung me unceremoniously over her shoulder, and bounded out the window.

"You make up your mind fast," I said a moment later.

We were bounding through the trees, and, by craning my neck uncomfortably, I could see Kankuro on my left. Kankuro said, "No pay, no work. We're expecting something for bringing you back to Konan."

"I appreciate it," I said, seriously hoping that Haruhi would actually pay up and not try her usual cutthroat bargaining tactics. "But do you suppose I could be transported right-side up?" All the blood was rushing to my head, and it felt gross.

But it appeared the ninja had bigger fish to fry. "She slipped past Gaara?" Temari said in shock.

"He probably was too bored to take it seriously, look how slow he's chasing her," Kankuro said disgustedly.

Great. Asakura's probably in pursuit.

You know, in the normal course of events, weird disruptions in the routine of daily life don't happen nearly so often. People aren't usually taken out of their normal school existences and placed in constant peril in ancient realms. Usually they just do their homework, take their exams, graduate, get jobs, and live a normal existence. In my life, however, I only seem to enjoy normalcy as an interlude before I go back to another crazy enterprise courtesy of Haruhi.

You'd think I'd be used to it by now.

Temari stopped short on a tree branch and whirled around, making me feel dizzy. She whipped the fan off her back, accidentally jolting me as I had been slung over it, and it sounded like she tried to use it to blow Asakura back. There was a thud, but apparently Askura hadn't fallen far, because Temari then continued on. I heard Kankuro deploying Karasu- I could tell because of the wooden rattle of Karasu's joints.

It must not have been enough, because after a gut-wrenching fall, I found myself flat on my back, Temari sprawled a short distance away.

I clambered to my feet to find Asakura looking at me, her hands already blades.

"My earlier plan, to kill you, did have the advantage of simplicity," she noted as she started towards me.

A witch hat suddenly sailed through the air, interposed itself between Asakura and me, and disgorged Yuki Nagato. She lost no time in firing a fusillade of energy bolts at Asakura, who used her blade hands to parry them.

Then, out of the hat popped Haruhi, who declared, "Everyone out of the hat! Attack, smash them! Smash them all!" She looked behind her at me and asked, "Do I have to make it any clearer? You're supposed to attack her, Kyon!"

I was trying to decide who was more of a threat to my life, a determined Asakura or a disappointed Haruhi, when Koizumi emerged from the hat, holding his sword at the ready.

"This is an interesting situation," Koizumi noted.

Haruhi ordered, "All right, Koizumi, you take on our enemy over there-" she pointed at Temari, "while Yuki and I take Asakura!"

"Actually, they're looking for new employment," I said quickly.

Koizumi quickly strode forward and helped Temari to her feet, saying, "Quite a fascinating coincidence, isn't it? I suppose it'll just be a matter of offering a higher price."

"We'll take the offer, and thanks for the hand," Temari said, stepping forward and wiping away some blood from the corner of her mouth, "but I think you should all fall back. We're the top-ranked genin from our village, we'll be fine."

"You do realize that Miss Asakura isn't quite human?" Koizumi said in a low voice.

With a grimace, Temari informed him, "That's why it's only going to get worse."

Asakura used her lightning to strike Nagato. Nagato fell to one knee, but before Asakura could press any advantage, Karasu swung down from behind. Asakura blocked it with a pearly spherical shield that extended around her, but Karasu remained, lashing out with limbs and needles that emerged from its joints.

Odd noises had been coming from the witch hat for some time, and now I heard a voice from inside say, "Oh, wait, maybe you get out like this- Aaugh!" Soon afterwards, Miss Asahina fell to the ground in a heap out of the hat, and slowly picked herself up, saying, "Ouch!"

Incensed, I cried, "You brought her to a place like this?"

Haruhi turned a baleful eye on me, "This is an SOS Brigade operation, Kyon! Of course we need all of our members here."

Miss Asahina ran towards me, saying, "Kyon, thank goodness you're all right!" Then she tripped on a tree root.

I was going forward to help her. Temari used her fan to create a gust of wind that hurled Asakura bodily into a nearby tree trunk, but Asakura's shield protected her from real harm. Asakura's return shot of energy was expertly ducked, and Asakura didn't have a chance to continue the assault because Koizumi and Karasu rushed her. She ambidextrously parried them, and used her energy shield to block the shuriken that Temari hurled.

Taniguchi came out of the hat just after Miss Asahina got up. He looked at the madness around him, shook his head, and muttered to himself.

As though everything around me wasn't unlikely enough before, my friend Kunikida emerged from the hat. He has dirty blonde hair, and has been my friend since junior high school. Kunikida is in my class at school. That is, when he's not emerging from a floating witch hat into an ancient land of superwarriors. "Hi, Kyon!" he called. He looked in amazement at the melee. "Wow. Up until now I thought you guys were kidding about Asakura being an evil esper."

Really a "biological interface," but it's close enough, and it's not as though I'm going to correct him at a time like this.

"Kunikida's in this Suzaku Seven thing too," Taniguchi told me as he and Kunikida edged away from the combat zone.

"Yeah, I'm told I'm Chiriko," Kunikida said.

Haruhi was devouring the sight of the fantastic combat, a gigantic smile on her face. At least someone here is happy.

Tsuruya came out of the hat next. She looked at the scene and whistled. "Well, this is exciting!" she exclaimed. "I ought to get our class to make this world the theme for next year's arts festival!"

Any further commentary was drowned out by a peal of thunder, earsplittingly close. Asakura had sent out forked lightning, aimed at Koizumi, Kankuro, and Temari simultaneously. Koizumi had collapsed, and Kankuro had fallen out of the tree he was in, his puppet collapsing as he lost concentration. Yuki had leapt and created a shield that stopped the fork of lightning aimed at Temari, so the two of them were unharmed.

Temari and Yuki took this opportunity to go on the offensive. Temari leapt into a tree and began throwing knives at Asakura, while Nagato ran from spot to spot in the clearing, trading energy bolts with Asakura.

Meanwhile, the rest of us ran towards Koizumi. Miss Asahina worriedly took Koizumi's wrist and tried to figure out where to find a pulse. Tsuruya leaned over and asked, "Hey, you OK, Koizumi?"

"Somehow, that does seem to be the case," Koizumi murmured, causing Miss Asahina to smile. "Although it would be stretching truth to call this OK." He grimaced in pain.

"Let's see how well you are, then," Tsuruya suggested. "My fingers - how many am I holding up?" She held out her hand with her palm open, all her fingers out.

"Five," Koizumi whispered, then we all gasped as the Chinese character on Tsuruya's palm blazed red, and small, colorful balls of light wafted out of the character and onto Koizumi's body. His injuries faded, and even the dirt on his clothes melted into nothingness.

He stood up quickly, his eyes now bright and alert, and held his sword steadily. Tsuruya bent her palm towards her to look at it. Koizumi said in a more normal voice, "My thanks, for whatever it was that you just did."

Tsuruya wondered aloud, "How did I do that?" She re-extended her arm and tried moving it up and down, as though shaking a bottle to get the last drops of liquid out.

"Excellent work, Brigade members! Our mission to invade Koutou has been a complete success! Now, Koizumi, Taniguichi, Kunikida and Kyon will back me up while I take out Asakura! Mikuru will be a distraction!" Haruhi grinned evilly and put Miss Asahina in a headlock while Miss Asahina began to wail.

Taniguchi protested, "Now wait a minute! One, where do you get off ordering me around! Two, not even my flamethrower," he waved his iron fan, "dropped Asakura!"

When Haruhi glared at him, Kunikida pointed out, "Miss Suzumiya, I don't suppose you noticed half of us are entirely unarmed? I seriously hope I'm not expected to fight with this whistle." He produced a small green leaf.

We were suddenly joined by Temari, Kankuro, and Yuki. Kankuro said urgently, "If you don't want to die today, get back now!"

Taniguchi complained, "Hey, what are you guys doing! If you're here, who's keeping Asakura occupied?"

I saw the answer for myself. Asakura had paused contemplatively, facing Gaara, who must've arrived sometime while we were busy with Koizumi. Gaara's arms were folded, but he no longer looked bored. He was staring at Asakura, the dark circles around his eyes accentuating his mixture of contempt and hunger.

Miss Asahina shivered, "Wh-wh-what's going on?" she asked plaintively.

Kunikida asked Temari, "Has your friend slept in a month?"

"You don't know what our younger brother is," Temari said, and I realized she was almost in a panic. "Move now!" She seemed ready to shove us.

Yuki whispered to me, "I concur, you know."

Haruhi insisted, "Now is the time for a frontal assault!"

Kankuro said disgustedly, "Fine, throw your life away! I'm going. Don't waste any more time on fools, Temari!" He leapt into a nearby tree.

"Can we get back to Konan in the hat?" I asked Yuki.

Yuki shook her head. "Asakura will almost certainly manipulate information to restrain the hat if it leaves the area, you know."

I turned to Temari just as she was turning to leave us. "Would you please ferry us to someplace safe?"

She was put out, but obligingly slung me over her shoulder and jumped into a faraway tree branch. "Kankuro," she called out, "get the others up here!"

"We're cutting it close," he muttered as he used his puppet to haul the others up to the branch.

Haruhi raised her fists in the air angrily and shouted at me, "Kyon, come back! We're supposed to be attacking!" She was shouting similar things even as Temari hauled her up to the tree branch I was squatting precariously on.

Yuki also turned out to be able to leap up to the branch with a person on her back, so we were all together up there relatively quickly. Now we were a good distance from Gaara and Asakura, hopefully out of danger. At least that particular danger. It's very crowded up here, and although it's a sturdy branch, there's not exactly a lot of room to maneuver. Miss Asahina in particular is having trouble balancing.

We were still close enough that we could all hear Asakura say, "This should be an excellent test, to see if I've improved. I'll never be able to fulfill my plans so long as I'm merely a backup unit." She looked thoughtfully up at Yuki, then continued, "So I hope that you'll do your best, Mr. Gaara."

Gaara smiled coldly. "I'm looking forward to it."

The hat was still floating near Yuki, and my little sister's head poked out of the hat, upside down. She asked, "Is it safe to come out now?"

"I don't think you could've picked a more dangerous time," I told her. "Get back inside."

She grasped the brim of the hat and protested, "But it's so fun being upside-down!" She began to sway back and forth.

Gaara extended an outstretched hand towards Asakura and said, "Sand Coffin."

From out of nowhere, a large stream of sand flowed past his arm and towards Asakura, seeking to envelop her. Her shield appeared and blocked it. The sand remained outside the shield, coiling and writhing, dashing itself against the shield, and screaming with the fury of the wind.

Asakura leveled her arms at Gaara and began to launch a fusillade of energy bolts at him. In an instant, a wall of sand had appeared only centimeters away from Gaara's nose, intercepting all of Asakura's bolts.

Asakura flung more and more bolts at him in a ceaseless barrage, her face neutral. Gaara scowled as his sand wall remained in place. The sand that was whipping around Asakura's shield whipped about faster, but was unable to penetrate her defenses.

"This is bad," Kankuro said anxiously.

Temari agreed fearfully, "She's powerful enough to hold him back at this level. If she doesn't fall soon, Gaara will unleash that thing inside him. We could all die if that happens."

That thing? Sounds rather ominous. And extremely vague. In any case, Gaara looks plenty tough as it is, and I have no desire to see what carnage will ensue should he and Asakura mix it up at any higher level.

Haruhi had been silent, but now made a harrumphing noise in my general direction. She crossed her arms and remained standing on the tree branch with perfect balance. I had earlier decided that whatever deadly combat Asakura and Gaara were engaged in was more dangerous than Haruhi's disappointment, but the latter's scowl almost made me reconsider.

Koizumi choose this moment to sidle disturbingly close to me and whisper, "It does seem that she wants you to win the fight against Miss Asakura."

He had gingerly stepped even closer to me, so I told him, "Hey, you're too close. You'll make me fall off." I gripped the tree branch to be more sure of my position.

Koizumi smiled that annoying smile of his and retreated only slightly, reiterating with a wave at all of us, "She's so confident in your abilities that she's ready to risk her precious Brigade, and the only espers she knows, in order to defeat the threat that Miss Asakura poses to you, and to all of us."

"If that's how it is, one of these days I'm going to die trying to live up to her expectations," I said.

Koizumi put a hand to his chin for a moment, but finally responded, "I'd be highly surprised if that were ever the case."

Asakura had now tired of throwing bolts of energy at Gaara, and was now circling him, trying to get in close and use her blade hands. Gaara was standing calmly, with his arms crossed, a wall of sand erupting from the ground to block her every attack. Asakura, however, was going faster and faster, while his sand was not.

Temari had been watching the conversation between Koizumi and I, and she said urgently, "If there's anything you can do, you'd better do it now. I think soon Gaara will decide to shift into the thing inside him. Nothing within a five kilometer radius will be safe."

I sighed. Normally I try to avoid calling on my fellow Brigade member's exceptional abilities, because it feels like cheating to me. But there's no way I'm going to face Asakura alone. That's just stupid. I asked, "What are our chances of cheating?"

"Not good," admitted Koizumi.

Miss Asahina, a few paces away on the branch, said, "I'm afraid I don't really have any ideas."

The three of us looked at Nagato, and she said, "It will be difficult to utilize information controls in the strong local warping generated by Asakura and Gaara's combat, you know?"

"Great. The floor's open to anyone who has any ideas for using our Suzaku powers against Asakura," I said without much hope.

Miss Asahina almost fell off the branch we were standing on. Tsuruya helped steady her, laughing, "Whoa, hang on!"

Once Tsuruya had helped her stopped teetering, Miss Asahina went on to say, "If I could get back on the ground, I'd have good enough footing to use my super strength and throw something heavy at her."

The question, of course, would be whether or not it would hit.

My friend Kunikida inquired, "Do I have any Suzaku powers?"

Ignoring him, my other friend, Taniguchi, said, "All right, all right, I'll use the flamethrower if it'll help."

Koizumi offered, "Of course, I'm game to try more swordsmanship."

Taniguchi challenged me, "You are coming too, right?"

Oh, whatever. "Why not? I guess she's going to try to kill me whatever I do," I replied.

"At last!" Haruhi exclaimed. "Finally, the SOS Brigade enters the fight! I'll go first, and when I signal, one of you will take over for me! We'll wear her down with sheer numbers!"

That's not how you wear someone down with sheer numbers! Besides, natural athletic talent or not, Haruhi'll be mincemeat in five seconds facing off against Asakura.

"As the leader," I disagreed, "you have to stay here and look after Kunikida and my little sister."

"Hey," Kunikida protested, stung out of his usual easygoing nature, "don't treat me like a burden just because I got stuck with a whistle!"

"I can honestly say I'd switch places with you if at all possible," I said as I put my hand to my forehead.

Haruhi hopped down to a branch further forward and lower down, then turned back to face us and pointed at Miss Asahina, saying, "Here's the battle order: I'm first, then Mikuru takes over for me, then Koizumi," she pointed at him, "then Kyon. I'll decide the next ones as we go along."

Kunikida suddenly had a strange look on his face, then recovered somewhat. "President Suzumiya!" he suddenly said with a suspicious respectfulness, "may I make a proposal regarding the upcoming battle?"

I overheard Temari whisper to Kankuro, "How long is this going to take?" He whispered back, "Now I can see why ninja go in teams of only three or four."

Haruhi turned to Kunikida and said, "Very well, go ahead!"

Kunikida said eagerly, "I realized that if Miss Yuki Nagato goes in front, she can shield us. Miss Asahina can pick up that fallen tree there-" he pointed to a giant log, "-and throw it at Miss Asakura. When Miss Asakura dodges it, she'll probably try to move further from Gaara. Miss Nagato will therefore lead a charge to that side as soon as Miss Asahina throws the log. Pres. Suzumiya, Koizumi, and Kyon, will follow Miss Nagato and attack when they get to close range. Meanwhile, the other ninja will take Taniguchi to Miss Asakura's rear via the trees. Taniguchi will use his flamethrower to cut off any further retreats of Miss Asakura - Temari's fan should fuel the fire and increase its spread. I'll stay with Taniguchi and the ninja to observe the situation and watch for unexpected developments. Miss Tsuruya will stay with the ninja and drop into the combat zone to administer first aid as needed."

"Excellent work, Kunikida! All of you should learn from him!" Haruhi said happily.

You should learn from him, too, Haruhi. I haven't heard such an example of good planning since I joined the SOS Brigade.

Taniguchi turned to Kunikida and asked skeptically, "So, if we all combine our powers, we can win?"

Kunikida grimaced, but replied tenaciously, "I know, I know, but it does work in the real world."

Too bad we're here instead. Still, I actually feel rather confident about his plan.

Yuki, with Miss Asahina on her back, leapt smoothly to the ground, unnoticed by Gaara and Asakura. Haruhi climbed down nonchalantly, Koizumi descended elegantly, while I used my head and requested assistance from Kankuro and Karasu. I'm almost getting used to being carried around in dangerous situations by a wooden puppet.

I let go of Karasu as soon as my feet were on the ground, and Kankuro retracted it. Kunikida climbed aboard Karasu as it took firm hold of Tsuruya, while Temari slung Taniguchi over her shoulder. "Whoa!" Taniguchi cried as they bounded through the trees. The witch hat followed them, and my little sister, still hanging out upside down, cried "Whee!"

Miss Asahina picked up and carried the giant fallen log as though it were no heavier than her school bag. I was afraid that she'd overbalance while carrying it, but she managed somehow.

"All right, then, Brigade members!" Haruhi called. "On my mark, we'll charge!"

Asakura had by now exceeded the speed of Gaara's sand wall, which is saying something since it appears in the blink of an eye. Now they were fighting hand to hand. Gaara was covered in a layer of sand that clung to his skin and deflected Asakura's blades, though the sand cracked under the impact of the blow. He struck back with bare fists, which sounds lame, except that Asakura was flung back three meters every time he managed to connect.

"Charge!" Haruhi called.

Yuki immediately began to run forward, and Haruhi, Koizumi, Miss Asahina, and I followed as fast as we could. Needless to say, this ensured that we had no formation whatsoever.

Gaara connected again, and Asakura was flung back a few meters. She picked herself up and started to run at him again when she noticed us coming and turned on a dime.

All of us, as we ran, shouted something at poor, innocent Miss Asahina, something inane like, "Throw the log! Throw it!" Miss Asahina responded with a panicked, "Okay!" She stopped running to throw the giant log, and the sudden change in motion made her lose her balance and fall to one knee. The front of the log, several meters ahead of her, tipped forward and hit the ground. Miss Asahina, however, straightened up as though she had been carrying nothing and heaved the log at Asakura.

No matter how much strength Miss Asahina had gained with her Suzaku powers, her accuracy was about normal - a meter or so off target. Ordinarily, Asakura would've avoided that easily, but Gaara had started sandblasting her again, so, as we hoped, she moved away from him. The log crashed to a halt between her and Gaara.

Yuki, Koizumi, Haruhi, and I were now all running at Asakura. Yuki's lips moved rapidly, and she began to fire bolts from her hands as she ran, then she said, "Kai-ha, you know?" and blue bolts shot out of her wand. Asakura had to use both her hands to deflect the attack, so she attempted to move to the side.

Koizumi, Haruhi, and I, were running to that side. Koizumi had managed to stay in front of Haruhi, but I was still a few steps behind.

I heard Taniguchi shout "Rekka Shinen!" I looked up to see him standing on a tree branch, beside Temari, Kankuro, Tsuruya, and Kunikida. There was a jet of flame emerging from Taniguchi's iron fan. Temari swung her giant fan, and the jet expanded into an inferno with an almost malevolent hissing sound. Asakura halted her sidestepping as a massive swathe of underbrush beside her was engulfed in flames higher than my head. The heat came out towards me like a wall, and I almost stumbled.

Koizumi was on Asakura a moment later, swinging his sword rapidly. She had kept her head, as well as both of her hands as blades, and was parrying him, even managing to force him towards the inferno, but Nagato was keeping up her long range bombardment, so Asakura had to relegate one hand to each opponent. In the meantime, a cloud of sand began to swirl around her, as Gaara, beyond the log, grinned. Asakura, however, didn't appear worried, and I heard a warning rumble of thunder in the skies.

Right into the midst of this deadly melee and exchange of fire, Haruhi ran, as though this were something enjoyable, like a day at the beach. Of course, I only saw her face for a moment, as she looked back at me. Still, it was enough to see that she was very, very happy. Five seconds later, she leapt in the air and executed her flying kick, straight on target for Asakura. Unfortunately, Asakura's shield was still up, blocking Gaara's sand, so Haruhi rebounded and fell unceremoniously to the ground.

Asakura held her arms extended a moment, and a giant bolt of lightning leapt out of the sky, and flowed from her head to pour out of both her arms. Yuki leapt towards Koizumi and Haruhi, forming her shield. She crashed straight into Koizumi and knocked him into the ground, leaving them more or less piled on top of Haruhi. The other bolt of lightning flew towards Gaara, and was only dissipated partially by a hastily forming sand wall before it struck him full in the chest. He collapsed to all fours, then struggled to his feet with a murderous look on his face. The sand which had been layered on his body had been fried into glass by the lightning, and cracked and fell off him as he moved with tinkles I could only barely hear over the roar of the nearby flames.

Now my long, long, long run had finally taken me into hand-to-hand range with Asakura. I was coughing, and my eyes were burning, as the smoke's stench penetrated my nostrils. Through my blurred vision, I saw Asakura swing one blade hand at me horizontally, at my throat, and the other towards my stomach, stabbing or slicing or something that would be painful.

I was about one second away from being dead. My lungs were screaming for oxygen, and my brain was gibbering incoherently. I frantically skipped to the side of Asakura's attack - she would've pressed it further, but she almost tripped over Yuki and the others, and Gaara's sand was hemming her in elsewhere. In sheer panic, I used my open palm as a weapon, striking at her head, not even realizing that her shield was up and all that would happen was a bruised fist.

Then her shield sputtered and died as Gaara compressed his sand further, and my hand struck her face, rocking her back. It felt for a moment as though all my adrenaline surged through my body towards my hand, and for just a moment I saw a blue, needlelike bolt of energy zip out of my palm and through Asakura's skull.

Asakura stepped back, shaken, then began slowly, slowly, to dissolve. Gaara hopped on top of the log and crossed his arms, a triumphant smile on his face.

Rain began to pour out of the sky, dousing the nearby brush fire, and wetting us all to the skin, but this was barely noticed by anyone.

After many shouted, contradictory orders from Haruhi, the pile of Nagato, Koizumi, and herself, finally got sorted out. Haruhi saw the dissolving figure of Asakura and threw her fist in the air, congratulating herself, "Excellent! My plan was a complete sucess!"

Haruhi, it was Kunikida's plan.

As Kunikida was lowered to the ground by Kankuro, Kunikida whispered to me, "I know, but really, what matters is that Asakura's gone, right?"

Taniguchi clambered down and stood beside me, elbowing me sharply in the ribs. "Yeah, that is all that matters!" he said, and began to criticize me. "Why did you have to kill her? Couldn't you have convinced her of the error of her ways and made her turn good again?"

"Before she slit my throat? Probably not," I said incredulously. "Look, we just took out a tough, otherworldly enemy, and we all seem to be more or less all right. Why are you not happy?"

"How can I be happy," he groaned, "when there's one less A-rank beauty in the world?"

His disappointment was short-lived, as Miss Asahina descended upon us - almost literally, because she tripped over a root a short distance away. She got to her feet quickly and asked, "Kyon, are you-" - then she shot a glance over towards Haruhi and quickly asked, "Is everyone all right?"

Yuki gave an almost imperceptible nod as Tsuruya, Kankuro, Temari, and my little sister in the witches' hat came down out of the trees. Koizumi said satisfiedly, "Somehow or another, we all seem to have come through that unscathed."

Asakura began to speak, and she was smiling, which was altogether disconcerting since she only existed from about the waist up and was still dissolving. "I am very satisfied. I had an opportunity to witness first-hand so many changes that Miss Suzumiya made to this world! And Kyon, you and the others should be happy too. You'll be able to continue living. That makes you happy, doesn't it?"

It does, although I seriously hope that Asakura isn't going to be making any more returns to haunt me. Two attempts on my life is more than enough.

Soon she had disappeared completely, and Gaara and the ninja finally turned their attention to us. Koizumi stepped forward and proffered, "I believe it's time that we recompensed you for your help." He held out his sword, hilt-first. "Would this be satisfactory?"

Kankuro took it, and he and Temari looked it up and down, noting both the balance and the jewels in the hilt. Gaara, bored again, looked nowhere in particular. And I thought Haruhi was the only person with an attention span that short.

"It's an excellent sword," Kankuro finally said with a smile.

"I'd judge it to be a worthy payment for an A-ranked mission like this," Temari agreed. "It was a pleasure. If you need our services again, just contact the Village Hidden in the Sand."

"It's been a pleasure working with you too," Haruhi bowed to them. "If you ever need the help of the SOS Brigade, just contact us at North High School!"

Temari and Kankuro shared an awkward glance, then Temari settled on replying, "Farewell." Temari, Kankuro, and Gaara leapt away simultaneously.

Koizumi commented, "That was a good sword. Almost as good as that other one back in the armory." He gestured towards Konan. "Hopefully I won't need a weapon anytime soon."


	10. Dreams

Chapter 10: Dreams

The rain finally began to ease up, and Haruhi looked at all of us. "Well, it's about time we started to summon Suzaku!" she declared. "You've still got the 'Book of the Universe of the Four Gods' I let you read, right, Yuki?"

Yuki wordlessly took the scroll out from her robes and held it out.

"All right!" Haruhi nodded, "now, according to Koizumi's courtiers, we just have to burn it! Yuki, put it down so Taniguchi can use his fan on it."

Asahina protested while Yuki complied, "Um, b-but, aren't we supposed to perform a ceremony first? Before we burn it?"

"Oh, who cares?" Haruhi shrugged. "Look, the whole point of the ceremony is to burn the scroll. Let's just do it already!"

Haruhi's bored already. This is possibly the one time that might be a good sign- maybe she's in the mood to get us home.

We were all standing in a circle around the scroll, well, more of an exaggerated shape that did and didn't resemble a circle, and more coincidental than intentional. Taniguchi took out his fan, and took careful aim since we were all so close. He said "Rekka Shinen!" and a jet of flame burnt the scroll.

There was a burst of red light, and a piercing bird call. Now there was a man standing where the scroll had been. He was tall and solidly built, wearing a vibrant crimson and orange garment. Flame-red hair spurted in great, effusive jets off his head, and there was a crimson symbol on his brow, above his vermilon eyes and long, thin eyebrows.

This man- well, I guess he has to be Suzaku - growled, "So you actually did manage to summon me."

"We sure did!" exulted Haruhi. "It was a big hassle, but nothing the SOS Brigade couldn't handle!"

Suzaku inhaled and said stonily, "Do you realize that you people have made a complete mockery of the system here?"

"Please excuse us," Koizumi said mollifyingly, "we don't have a lot of common sense."

This didn't appear to have satisfied Suzaku at all - his gaze was still distant and cold.

"This is the part where you give us wishes, right?" Haruhi asked excitedly.

"Yes, unfortunately. Let us hasten to that part," Suzaku said. For the first time, he had a faint smile on his face.

"First," Haruhi began to dictate her terms, "I want to meet lots of aliens, espers, and time travelers."

Suzaku pointed out, "You already have."

Haruhi looked around at us and protested, "Yeah, but I want to play with even more!"

Suzaku made a noise between a sigh and a growl, then relaxed and began to smile a bit again. Meanwhile, Haruhi continued her demands, "And I want an SOS Brigade in every school in the country, under my command, of course, so that we'll have even more opportunities to find and play with aliens and espers, and of course time travelers."

I tapped her arm and said, "Hey," trying to get her attention so I could ask her to ask Suzaku to send us all back home. Haruhi, however, went on with her wishes, "And I want a personal space fleet so the SOS Brigade can start missions into deep space to find aliens! And a time machine!"

"Hey!" I said louder, and gripped her arm. But something about it didn't feel right, so I looked down and saw to my astonishment that her forearms were covered in bright red feathers. Miss Asahina saw this too and screamed, clutching at Tsuruya beside her for support. Tsuruya said in amazement, "That's got to be the weirdest thing I've ever seen." Taniguchi backed slowly away, his horror plainly showing on his face. "What's going on?" asked Kunikida, his view of Haruhi blocked by Suzaku. He moved to see better, and put his hand over his mouth and turned green. My little sister, still hanging upside down out of the witch hat, asked, "Kyon, what's going on?"

It's a testament to Haruhi's concentration that none of this deterred her from making her continued demands, which had now gotten to her sixth, or maybe ninth or so. I looked at Yuki, not sure what to say. Yuki's lips moved rapidly, and some feathers disappeared, but more and more were growing out of Haruhi all the time. Yuki looked at me piercingly while Koizumi came disturbingly close to my side so he could whisper in my ear, "It's vital that you get Miss Suzumiya to stop making wishes immediately."

"Haruhi," I said, tugging on her arm.

She turned to me and said irritatedly, "What is it, Kyon?" Then she noted, "Something feels wrong with your hand. Is it- What? What's happened to my body?" Her eyes alit. "Do I, as priestess, get to become some sort of bird superhero after making my wishes?"

The smile on Suzaku's face became more pronounced, though his gaze was still distant. "Technically," he informed us, "the priestess is limited to three wishes. But in any event, part of the deal is that I get to possess her forever. I suggest you quickly select three out of all those wishes to be fulfilled, before I consume you."

I have to hand it to Haruhi, her confidence never wavers. "Oh, so this is some sort of deal like that, huh? Well, who says I need you to fulfill all my dreams for the SOS Brigade, anyway? I just know we'll find plenty more aliens, espers and time travelers to play with. So I won't be needing any wishes. You'd better find someone else to consume, or else I'll make you write on a school blackboard 'I am not a chicken' 1000 times!"

A sudden glow of light swept over Haruhi, and all the feathers on her disappeared. Suzaku gaped at her as the world suddenly began to bend, and warp. We all stumbled about as we were pulled one way and another. From all around us a pure white light began to glow, and it blotted out everything. Then I felt like I was spinning away, and for just a moment I saw an old book flying towards something that looked like the National Library.

Then I woke up in my bed in my room, in my pajamas. I sat up slowly, looking myself over, and pinching myself a few times. I could faintly hear my little sister in her bedroom, running around and shouting, "Yay! Yay! I'm back! My house, my room! I'm back!"

I laid back in bed and got some well-deserved shuteye.

* * *

The next morning, Taniguchi and Kunikida met me at the base of the hill that goes up to the school. We didn't say much, and we trudged silently up the hill. At the top, Kunikida asked me, "Kyon, did you sleep well last night?"

"Not really," I said.

"Ah. I had the weirdest dream," Kunikida offered.

"Mine was downright freaky," Taniguchi mumbled. He looked around the top of the hill. "Man, I just know we'd meet more girls if our school wasn't in such a terrible location!"

We didn't say much else of consequence. As I was leaving my shoe locker, I could've sworn I saw Koizumi swinging around a pen like it was a miniature sword. I increased my pace. I didn't want to know.

A little bit later, I was passing by one of the areas where the upperclassmen hang out, and I heard Tsuruya saying, "Mikuru, come on, let me help you carry all that. You're not all that strong, you know?" She laughed while Miss Asahina stammered in reply, "W-w-what?"

I walked faster still.

Yuki met me outside of my classroom, and looked at me inquisitively. Guessing what she meant to ask, I informed her, "Thank you, Yuki, I appreciate the offer. This one time, though, I think I'd prefer to let it be ambiguous just what was going on. The next time something happens, would you explain it to me, please? I hope nothing odd will happen again, though I know better."

She nodded and went to her classroom next door.

I went into my classroom and sat at my desk. Haruhi was sitting in her desk, behind me, with her head down. I turned around, sensing Haruhi's glance, and saw that she now had her arms flat on the desk and was listlessly resting her head on them. She said, "I was really disappointed to wake up this morning."

"It's better than the alternative, isn't it?" I asked.

She frowned, "But I was having this really great dream, where all the people around me were aliens and espers and time travelers." She sighed and turned her head to look out the window. "Too bad it was just a dream," she said.

"It is unlikely," I told her neutrally.

She remained like that a few seconds more, then sat up and stretched her arms above her head. A moment later, she grinned as she told me, "At least it gave me a really great idea for the SOS Brigade's film for the next cultural festival. We'll start work on the scripts, costuming, and musical score this afternoon!"

"All at once?" I asked. "Shouldn't we make a schedule and a plan first?"

"This is the planning!" she exclaimed. "Honestly!" She scrutinized my face. "I wonder if Mikuru has any lipstick that's the right shade?" she thought aloud. "We'll need something to make a red symbol on your forehead."

**The End**

* * *

Author's Note

I really enjoy Fushigi Yugi, The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, and Naruto, so I greatly enjoyed this chance to mix them all together and parody them. I hope you, like I did, left this fanfiction with a greater appreciation for the depth and humor in each of the series.

* * *

Special Thanks to my References: Special Blame to the Author for any Factual Errors or Inconsistencies

for its picture of Suzaku

Wikipedia: Haruhi Suzumiya

Wikipedia: List of Fushigi Yugi characters

Wikipedia: List of Haruhi Suzumiya characters

Wikipedia: Soi (Seiryu Seishi)

Wikipedia: Tamahome


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